I Need Help Now Please!!

[beepee]

Hi everyone:

i just got an email from my H and i dont know how to respond to it. its making me really sad. heres the email:

B,
I'm not happy, this is not what I wanted, but it's for the best,
you know I did what I did to survive, and it became what I wanted.
I've always said you'll see me again, of course, and we'll talk, of course.
The fact that I can't see you yet, isn't a sign that I don't want to see you
or that it makes me happy, it's about survival, and what's needed to live
and breathe.
Believe me B, I'm really sad too, and it's not easy for me to move on in the
way you might think. I'm not living a high life, going out every night and having
fun, far from it.
I'm trying my best to catch up with sleep, to rest and relax, to get work and see
if I can stay in this country and work, to pay bills and survive. I don't know what's going to happen in the next while, if I'll even be allowed to stay, but there's little I can do about that.
I'm not enjoying these days, and not doing everything I've always wanted, and the life I'm living is a sad one, marred with disappointment and melancholy.
I'll file as soon as I get the money, there's so many bills to pay that I don't know when I can, but I'll let you know. I'm sorry that I have to, but I will let you know.
I took you off Francis and Freddie's page, myspace I assume, because I thought
it was best that we only contact through gmail. If there's a girl on there it's probably a friend of *** who's a DJ, I don't even know her. So, again, don't read into it.
I hope you still have someone to talk to, someone who can help you put your
thoughts together and make sense of the past.
I'm finding it hard to stay awake most days now, I'm feeling pretty sad and very lonely, but I'm doing my best, and even if I'm not allowed stay here after Aug 31st, I'm gonna try and make it, 'cos I know that's what you'd want, and I'd want nothing more than for you to find contentment within yourself, that's my dream, without me, just within yourself,
that's my dream, my hope.
I miss you too B, and there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of you.
D

i feel like theres no hope..its really want he wants
i dont know what to say, i dont know what to do..
someone please help.

[kara]

Beepee

I will wait for others on the site to advise you but by his own admission your H is not happy or living the "high life". It sounds like he needs space right now and as hard as it is to do you will have to give him that space. This is just my opinion. Let us see what the more experienced and savvy DBusters think.

[beepee]

thanks kara:

i know he needs his space and i want to give him that and im going to give him that. but what hurts is that he said this became what he wanted, us breaking up.
i dont know how to respond to the email. i want to help him so bad, i am SO worried about him. but i dont know what to say that wont push him away from me even more..

[kara]

This is what he wants because this is where he is at now. That may or may not change as time goes by. It hurts to hear these words, we all know that very well.

Perhaps you can just let him know that you read the e-mail, that you thank him for letting you know how he feels, you are sorry that you are both sad. I don't know, this is just a suggestion. I am sure others will be more helpful with concrete advice.

[beepee]

thanks kara, im writing an email now but i wont send it yet. im patiently waiting for some more advice..

[kara]

Yes, hold the e-mail for now. I think you should reply but the content must be looked at carefully.

[beepee]

yes i definitely agree, but no one else is responding yet..

[aliveandkicking]

Patience beepee...this is not urgent. you can reply in a day or two.

I am not an expert but I think there really is only ONE thing you can do, get your sh*t together, take care of you and see what happens then.

You cannot help him and he doesn't want your help.

Focus on you. Every sign points to you needing to take care of YOUR mental health, get self sufficient and leave him alone to work out his own stuff.

I know it is painful but you are only making it take longer by resisting.

[cville22901]

Beepee:
Good luck. Aliveandkicking's reponse makes a lot of sense. Relax and take your time. Give it at least 24 hours so that you can contemplate whatever you decide to do. This must be very tough getting an email and finding out that it is a Dear John letter. It sounds like he's conflicted. Try not to push him away.

[JackieH]

Why do you need to respond to his email? The best advice when you are feeling in a panic, or angry, is to do nothing. The equivalent of email duct tape. Say nothing.

What are you doing for yourself? What are you doing to break your own patterns of behavior that are the equivalent of a cheeseless tunnel?

Jackie