Drew, I don't know too much about FB, but can't she block you from accessing? What I wonder is why she would not block you if she was having an EA. Of course, she may not admit to herself that is what she's doing!
Is this the same high school friend she immediately began contacting after she left you? She could be in the initial stages of an EA. She was so vulnerable after all that stuff with her twin & BIL happened. It was plain she was looking for something to make her feel better....and she wasn't turning to her H.
I started out with the flirting and keeping everything fun. The OM wouldn't enjoy hearing a woman's woes b/c he only wants the fun side of her. That is how most of those types of men/women's R start.....by flirting. I would tell you not to worry about it and that you are being jealous, etc., if this had not been the same man she was intent on seeking out right after she left you (if it is the same).
You could confront her and tell her that you feel disrespected at seeing her openly flirt" with OM on FB where her friends, etc. can see it. However, she will more than likely tell you that 1) it is only friendship or 2)she is S from you and can do what she wants. A lot of people see themselves as being "free" when they are S.
You could ignore it and choose not to post anything to her on her FB as long as the flirty contact is being made with OM. I think you have to consider two things. First, you want to keep your respect and therefore you must decide if you are feeling jealousy or disrespected (probably both). Secondly, do you want to keep the door of communication with her open.....and would confronting her about this, close the door? Third, are you prepared to take the consequenses of confronting her if it does not go well? Remember, don't tell her anything you are not prepared to carry through.
What would you do or say if she said you were acting jealous and they were only friends? Would you feel as through you were standing there with your bare face hanging out? You don't want to storm in and act like a jealous outraged H when she sees herself S and independent of you. Of course you are jealous. I would hope my H would be jealous if I was doing that! However, jealousy isn't pretty and it sure did not look good on my H when I saw it! It is more impressive when a man can remain cool and operate out of a more positive emotion.
What if she thought you didn't care if she flirted with every man she ever knew? Heck, how about her entire high school? She seems to want to recapture her "past"......so why not? That's just an example of the different ways of trying to look at this situation.
To answer my own question about what would you do if you confronted her about an EA.......I think it would lead to a R talk and a quarl. Then you would probably be worse off than you are now in the stitch.....and nothing accomplished. You sound as if you are ready for a show-down and move on. However, Drew, try to sort your emotions and try to cool off before you decide on anything. When we act out of bad emotions, we usually mess up.
I probably haven't told you anything to help, but sometimes just having somebody to talk to helps get the steam off our chest, so keep talking until you feel better, okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
