oh god this has been such a horrible day. i messed up so badly. i was hit with a day long crying spell that isnt going away. i tried to clean my room, i tried to listen to music, i tried to watch a movie, i tried to go for a walk, i tried to go outside, sit and just be but the crying wouldnt go away. everytime i went to do somethng, i thought i would be ok and it'd stop but it never did. i dont know why im feeling like this today. so because i was so emotional and it wouldnt go away, i messed up badly by emailing my H HUGE MISTAKE i know. i couldnt stop myself, i was crying and crying and crying and my emotions got the better of me. i didnt say anything mean in the email, i didnt plead and beg for him to come back, just told him i missed him etc etc but i know thats still pursuing behavior. i couldnt control it today. it was so tough and im kicking myself for letting it happen.
i have to get back on track. i havent stopped crying, my eyes are stinging and my head is pounding. maybe i feel this way because its sunday. i notice i dont feel too well on sundays. maybe its because i feel like its the end of something. i think it stems from when i was a kid, my best friends and girl cousins would come over every weekend, sleep over, and then leave on sunday and i would feel really sad because i was the only girl in the family and when they would leave, i felt alone again. maybe thats it. well whatever it is that is making me feel this way, i really need to do something about it because im just spiraling backwards today.
i thought the medication was going to help me a bit with the crying and feeling low but it hasnt seemed to work yet even tho ive been on them for a month. maybe it takes longer than that.
the good thing is i have an IC appt tomorrow and am hoping to feel a bit better. i thought i was doing so well, i have to learn how to stop the "bad days" from ruining all of the progress ive made. ive gotta go make a list for this week or something. i need to do something to make me feel better.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
HUGE MISTAKE i know. i couldnt stop myself, i was crying and crying and crying and my emotions got the better of me. i didnt say anything mean in the email, i didnt plead and beg for him to come back, just told him i missed him etc etc but i know thats still pursuing behavior. i couldnt control it today. it was so tough and im kicking myself for letting it happen.
