By not enabling would that include not pay for her cell phone?(this is my largest source of intel).
Unless you want to keep track of her activity on the phone, I wouldn't pay for it. I don't think the LBH should do anything to enable her A. I don't think he should help her with expenses to live away from her family.....but that's JMHO.
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She is so far out there its hard to tell what works. For me not taking her calls and messages right away seems to get her calling back more often. But because of the S should I pick up the calls a little more often?
If not taking her calls & messages right away seems to get her calling back more often.......then you keep doing what works. You appear to NOT be as available to her and that is why she's calling more often. Just like the books says. It works.
I think the first order of business should be you telling her that there "has" to be some type of visitation schedule in place. Separated couples who co-parent.....or at least visit once in a while (b/c she's certainly not co-parenting).....have to have a system. It is only fair. She can either work with you about the times that she comes or you can tell her what will work or won't work for you. But, she must stop this dropping by unannounced or calling a few hours before. Tell her that has to stop b/c you and the kids need structure at this time and it causes an interruption when she pops in. How does that sound? She won't like it, so be prepared. She thinks of that as still her home and she can come and go as she pleases. She made the decision, now she has to live by "your" rules (boundaries). Remember to make it about what you & the kids can or can't live with....don't make it about her.
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W tried to make me feel bad once by saying its my responsibility to have D 6 call her.
Man that is priceless! Did you remind her how she had neglected her other children? No, don't do that b/c it only leads to a R talk. However, do tell her that you cannot bear the look on D6's face when she calls and only gets a voice message. Again, make it about you and the kids.
I have plans with kids this afternoon. W just expects us to be sitting around. Should I tell her again to let me know her schedule a couple of days in advance and we can make the appropriate arrangement for her to visit her children.
First of all.....do not stay there. Keep your plans. If she calls before hand, tell her that you had already made plans and that she should have contacted you earlier. That may be the time to tell her that the two of you need to discuss a visitation schedule in the next day or so. But, don't let her keep you tied up today and ruin the plans with the kids. You may have to send her an email. Emails work well to keep arguments down. Can't hear the tone of voice in emails...lol. I think she'll fight the issue of a schedule b/c she's had her way about all of this....but too bad. Stick to your guns.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She won't like it, so be prepared. She thinks of that as still her home and she can come and go as she pleases. She made the decision, now she has to live by "your" rules (boundaries). Remember to make it about what you & the kids can or can't live with....don't make it about her.
