While my 3 year old napped, my 7 year old and I played video games. My 7 year old wasn't feeling very well in the morning (he think he was coming down with a cold). I gave him a double shot of vitamins and kept pumping OJ into him all day. He was feeling better by the time the 3 year old woke up from his nap.
I vacuumed the house as the boys dusted (I'm trying to make it so it's not just fun and games all the time, plus it was something I needed to do). They enjoyed helping me.
I made dinner as the boys played. We ate and then we went to my 7 year old's soccer game. My wife told me that she wasn't coming today as she was taking a class. Her mom came to watch.
I think this is one of the toughest things to give up by taking the job as I coach my son's team. The team has really come together (as much as it can for a 7 year old's team) over the last 2 weeks. We had gotten blown out (6-0) the first game, but we won the last 3 by at least 2 goals each time. Today, we shut out the other team. All the kids were excited. Even the smallest girl on the team (it's coed) scored today. She was so excited. My son was very excited as he scored the first goal today.
After scoccer, it was still really nice out so the 3 of us ate ice cream on the patio. I had the boys called my wife as my 7 year old wanted to tell her about his soccer game. My 3 year old didn't want to talk to her. All he said was bye when she said bye. I could hear my wife trying to get them to talk to her, but besides the game, they didn't have much to say to her. I didn't get on the phone at all.
We got done with the ice cream and went into to get ready for bed. The boys helped me fold the towels as we watched a video.
It was a good nite.
I had told my assistant coach that after next week, I will only make the Thurs nite games (we also play Tues). He seemed a little nervous but said he would just ask one of the other parents to help. I had thought about saying something to the team tonite, but thought I would wait till next week.
It will be hard when I do start the job, particularly on Tues nite as I know I will be missing the games. I'm going to ask my wife to video/take pictures. I hope she is willing to....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
She told me to act as if....but put it in a way I could really get it.
She said "What if you knew for sure H was coming home sooner than later? Not doubts, you know he's coming home.....how would you act right now? You would go live your life and leave him alone. You might even laugh at some of his crap right now.....just let him do whatever he's got to do right now, live your life and laugh.....he'll be home."
And that's when I was able to really detach and let him screw up, fix it on his own or try to, etc. And I've seen more progress now that I've done that than since this started. Admittedly some other things have happened to help get his butt into gear, but the start was me "acting as if" I know he's going to work this out.
How are you feeling lately? Do you feel like you are stronger now? Do you feel you have grown as a man and as a person?
I still check in on you from time to time. I even got a little choked up this time reading about your kids. Fingers still crossed for you man...
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
She told me to act as if....but put it in a way I could really get it.
She said "What if you knew for sure H was coming home sooner than later? Not doubts, you know he's coming home.....how would you act right now? You would go live your life and leave him alone. You might even laugh at some of his crap right now.....just let him do whatever he's got to do right now, live your life and laugh.....he'll be home."
And that's when I was able to really detach and let him screw up, fix it on his own or try to, etc. And I've seen more progress now that I've done that than since this started. Admittedly some other things have happened to help get his butt into gear, but the start was me "acting as if" I know he's going to work this out.
That is a really good way to put it. I will have to add that to my list of "wisdom to remember".
Thank you for sharing it
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
How are you feeling lately? Do you feel like you are stronger now? Do you feel you have grown as a man and as a person?
I still check in on you from time to time. I even got a little choked up this time reading about your kids. Fingers still crossed for you man...
SF
Spellfire,
I do feel like I've grown as a man and a person. I only feel moderately stronger as I get choked up at times, but I have to remind myself that those are normal feelings to experience. The key is to remind myself don't let it way me down beyond that moment.
Even tonite, my wife called to let me know here personal credit card had gotten compromised (she got a call from her credit card company - unfortunately she found out when she tried to use it to buy groceries). So she wanted to give me a heads up to check our joint card. I am tempted to use this opportunity to close the account or at least deauthorize her as a user (I know it's dumb not to have so far).
She told me about the class she had taken (something about to help let go of emotional burden). I didn't understand it, but it sounded like she really didn't want to tell me so I didn't press it.
She wound up saying that this Sat wasn't a good idea as she is feeling a lot of stress of dealing with a new schedule with the boys and she is getting transfered to a new job/dept on Monday so she felt it was too much stress for her to deal with.
I told her that I can definitely relate.
She then brought up about how, if it takes a while to find something back in this area, that perhaps I could find a place in between (a little crazy as then I would have about a 1.25 hour commute to work each day). I thought about pressing her on her logic, but didn't really want to hear it.
Then she said that with all the stress, she's doesn't think it's a good idea to go to the comedy club on Sat as she wants to just "relax and breathe"
It had hurt when she said it, as I'm going through similar stress type events, but I do know she doesn't handle stress very well at all. In the past, I feel I would have been a wreck for days after something like that, but I'm not sure if I'm getting stronger or what, but it really doesn't drag me down that much. It hurt for sure, but I'm looking at as that will mean I will get to spend more time with my boys.
Thanks for dropping by and checking in on me. Hope things are going as good as they can go in your's. I've been trying to keep your ideal man triangle in mind all the time as I go through my life.
Take care
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
keep progressin toward full detachment. you will know it when your there. a good analogy of my own would be true detachment = teflon coated CIPA. that plus it coincides with a great big exhale while you feel that a monster has just been lifted from your shoulders. your on the pathway ..fear not.
hope your friday night is nice as is the rest of w/e.
lemme know when U wanna do the cerveza and chew the fat dealie.
May our Father dole out many blessing to you and the family.
keep progressin toward full detachment. you will know it when your there. a good analogy of my own would be true detachment = teflon coated CIPA. that plus it coincides with a great big exhale while you feel that a monster has just been lifted from your shoulders. your on the pathway ..fear not.
hope your friday night is nice as is the rest of w/e.
lemme know when U wanna do the cerveza and chew the fat dealie.
May our Father dole out many blessing to you and the family.
Ted
Ted,
How does your Sunday look?
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
We went to the park yesterday morning and then to a baseball field so we could play baseball. Then in the afternoon, the 3 of us went to the driving range. Both of the boys had a really good time yesterday.
Afterwards, we went to a book store so each of my boys picked up a new book to read. We went out for dinner at a local pizza place that the owners know us really well. I told him about my job situation.
When we got home, we read our new books and stayed up late to watch a baseball game.
It was a really good day.
On Sat, we stayed home in the morning playing as my boys were anxiously awaiting a dump truck to drop off 5 yards of mulch. They helped me lay out a tarp for the mulch and then helped me cover it up as we won't be spreading it till tomorrow or Monday. My wife last week had said that she would help do the weeding and mulch this Sunday. Not sure if she remembers or not. If she doesn't do it, I tell the boys that we will do it together on Monday as she will be taking them on Sunday.
We went to my buddies kids 4th birthday party in the afternoon. The boys had a great time playing with his kids. I got a chance to relax and drink a few beers with my buddy. I got him caught up on my job situation. He had been asking around his company to see if he could find me a job as well.
We got home about an hour past their bed time so they were exhausted. They went right to bed.
I know I will have more of these types of days with them when I see them on the weekends.....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
keep progressin toward full detachment. you will know it when your there. a good analogy of my own would be true detachment = teflon coated CIPA. that plus it coincides with a great big exhale while you feel that a monster has just been lifted from your shoulders. your on the pathway ..fear not.
hope your friday night is nice as is the rest of w/e.
lemme know when U wanna do the cerveza and chew the fat dealie.
May our Father dole out many blessing to you and the family.
Ted
Ted,
How does your Sunday look?
figures... i was off of here on Sat eve until now. and i am typing this from my parents over 55 type village comm out in Lancaster Co. (New Holland) or it might have worked.
oh well .. one of these days ...
when do you report for your new job, & where is it located (i think i may have asked you location b4 ...lemme ck if you answered previously)
sounds like the 3 of you boys are always havin fun
My primary office will be about 90 miles north of NYC (near New Paltz). I will have a second operation in northern NJ (about an hour south of my primary office).
I had told them that I will be going back to see my boys every weekend so I will need to leave early on Friday's. The flip side is that during the week, there is no pressing need for me to leave work. They said that there wasn't any reason why I couldn't work in the NJ office on Friday's so I would be about an hour closer as well as leave early enough to pick up the boys for dinner.
So they seem really ready to work with me (for now).
Have you ever been in the New Paltz area? Anyone know what's it like?
found it ...sounds like a good and very accomodating new Co. That and you must be well credentialled and maybe of high recommendation.
Be well. May you receive the Lord's abundant strength and blessings.
