I've been doing this for 4 months now, and I keep having setbacks. Mostly my W has jammed me up by not doing her part with the kids. I've been reduced to a part time business owner in a stuggling economy.
This must be almost as frustrating as your W leaving & having an EA. It causes a lot of anger, and rightfully so. As I said before, I think she is simply shutting that part of her life down. Goes along with her focusing on the youngest child only. You said she did not keep the kids and went to your house. Can you figure out some place you could stay until she left? You could just tell her that you have plans and not give her details. Tell her you'll have your cell phone if there is an emergency. That shows her you are not being "needy" of her and you are adding some "mystery" about yourself by not giving her details of you GAL. By really sprucing up when you go out....and acting all up beat and excited, she'll wonder what that is all about. It puts her attention on "you". See what I mean? That is why you must have a boundary about her calling and letting you know when she plans to stay with the kids. Tell her that you have to work it around your schedule. It is not fair to you for her to think she can pop in whenever she wants to stay with them and think you will stay there in the house the entire time. That places you in a "spot" where she can monitor what you are doing while she gets to do whatever she wants. Shouldn't work that way. If she stays there overnight, then I think you should either plan to stay with a friend or else come in very, very late that night. This may sound like a bunch of "games" to you.....but it works! Just don't give away the game plan.
You need to document everything about her not keeping the kids or doing things with them this summer. Never know when you may have to use that in case you have to file for custody.
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The emotional side is in check, but the analyizing everything W does remains.
Analyzing the WAS seems to be as natural as walking for the LBS, however, it will cause you to stay confused, hurt, and most of all it will keep you out of focus. Remember your goals and that you keep your focus on "you" and not her. I understand.....and know I would be just like you wanting to figure out what she's doing. But, what would you do if you knew? Let me rephrase that....what could you do differently? I don't know that you can analyze her. She's already acting like a person you never knew before.
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I have been working on GALing and 180s. As far as looking good, I,ve dropped 55lb since March, when I start to think about sitch I drop and do 20 push ups. I need new clothes!
55lbs?? WOW! I'm impressed.....and especially those push-ups! Yes, go buy some new clothes. If you can, get the clerk to give you an opinion about your style you're chosing b/c you may need to "update" it. Good job!
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What about car insurance? She wants to be so independant.
IMHO, if she talks a big talk about independence, then she needs to "experience" it! How will she get the full affect if you are paying her way?
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The W mail- should I forward her mail to her new place?
No, I would not do anything like that. It would show that she is on your mind too much. Can't she check it when she comes to the house?
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She has clothes and other items still floating around at our home. Should I put them in storage?
Frankly, I think the shock of her coming in and see her personal things and her clothes packed up and moved out....would do a lot of good. It shows her that you are moving on without her. I think that is an excellent idea.
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My D-6 needs a room of her own. Would dismanteling my W sewing room/office be a good idea?
Oh....PERFECT! In fact, the more changes you make to the house....the better. She needs to have as much of an awakening as possible. She will continue to stay in this emotional state for a long time and expect you and the kids to be docile about the whole thing. Why should the house remain the same if she decided she did not want to live there? Why keep her things if she's not there, right? Just be prepared with a good answer b/c she'll probably be outraged......lol. Go figure, huh?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
55lbs?? WOW! I'm impressed.....and especially those push-ups! Yes, go buy some new clothes. If you can, get the clerk to give you an opinion about your style you're chosing b/c you may need to "update" it. Good job!
In fact, the more changes you make to the house....the better. She needs to have as much of an awakening as possible. She will continue to stay in this emotional state for a long time and expect you and the kids to be docile about the whole thing. Why should the house remain the same if she decided she did not want to live there? Why keep her things if she's not there, right? Just be prepared with a good answer b/c she'll probably be outraged......lol. Go figure, huh?
