I'm new to this board and don't know all the lingo, so please be patient with me. I went through this before with H. when we were married for 7 years and had our first child. I know he is depressed (or in a MLC). I've since learned to react to it differently although I am still panicking inside. I believe H's Depression (MLC) is caused now by our financial problems (filed Bankruptcy 3 years ago) and his dissappointments with his career.
He moved into the spare bedroom about a month ago. He is quiet and withdrawn at home and almost seems angry at times. He calls in sick at work more then ever before which was almost never. He says he is not happy, board with life, wants to run away. He claims there is no OW, and I have to admit I was snooping around to find evidence, but so far nothing. He is almost always home when he is not working. But he has lots of friends through work that he texts all the time so I never really know who he is talking to.
I'm pretty sure he is severely depressed and he will not seek treatment because he is going to school to be a police officer and is afraid it will affect his chances for employment in that field.
I've been trying to give him space, reading DBing books and not asking any questions. It is heart breaking though to be cut out of his life. He says none of this is my fault, yet he wants to be separated from me all the time. The last time he went through this it lasted at least 2 years, but I feel part of that was my fault because I was younger and a new mom and I begged, pleaded, cried all the time which I know drove him further away.
He still asks for sex, which confuses me since it was his choice to move into the other room. At first I said no because I did not want to be used, but then I gave in, yet it really hasn't helped at all. I thought it might bring us closer.
A week and half ago he told me he was going to go stay at a friends house for a while. Says he "just can't be here (at home) right now." I know this friend so I guess I am ok with it. I don't really have a choice at this point. I cried and asked why at first and then decided I needed to let him do what he needed to. He still txts me almost daily and stops by the house every day after work and comes over here to be with the kids on his days off. His decision makes no sense to me since he is just basically sleeping at his friend's place. Not sure how long I'm supposed to put up with this. I know it has only been about a week, but feels like an eternity to me.
He claims this is just temporary and he just needs to "get away", but I really don't understand his behavior. Would be willing to hear from others who have had to deal with a spouse who is having a depressive episode.
Our 21st anniversary is coming up in August and I'm not sure if I should acknowledge it or not. I can't find anything in the posts regarding this so if anyone has experience with this issue, please let me know.
It is such relief to know I am not the only person going through this because it sure feels like it.
M 43 H 45 Married 21 years
D 14 D 7
Last MLC 14 years ago...here I am again. H-staying at friend's house as of 7/8/09
