Sandi2, Coach, Puppy and Gucci help!

[Bravehardt]

Sandi

I've been doing this for 4 months now, and I keep having setbacks. Mostly my W has jammed me up by not doing her part with the kids. I've been reduced to a part time business owner in a stuggling economy.

I would not be surprised that that has not been a lot of problems in the past.....the communication between you and W. Apparently the two of you are very different from each other, and if so...that's okay b/c that is why you were attracted to each other

Communication has been a problem, not always. We are not that different from each other, similar temperments and upbringing back rounds. When we talk I believe only half of what needs to be said is delivered. We had dissagreements in the past & now, but no knock down dragged out fights. Which seems odd to me now, most couples I now have major blow ups and recover(maybe this is our twenty year storm).

The first thing you must do is to get control of your emotions

Agreed. I have read DR. Re-reading again. The emotional side is in check, but the analyizing everything W does remains. I have been working on GALing and 180s. As far as looking good, I,ve dropped 55lb since March, when I start to think about sitch I drop and do 20 push ups. I need new clothes!

but when they are with her.....you get a personal life with friends or doing hobbies, etc.

This is a problem area for me. She he does not take the kids. She comes to the house for visits. She just took the girls over to the place she lives for the fist time two weeks ago monday for 24 hours. She has arranged to spend the night for a hand full of times, mostly for 16 hours or less. This does not give me much time to myself. Also the time she spends with the kids usually D 6 is at my home, so I have left for a few hours and came back and slept on coach. She does not help with any aspect of them right now. This past tuesday she text me that she would like to spend the night. I did not reply for several hours, then text her (lmk a couple of days in advance, tonite does not work). Because it was true, to late for me to change mine and the kids schedule around. She never set up another night. The W claims that she can't take the kids to her place. She has not done anything with them since they have been off this summer. She claims her work hours are all over the place because she is taking what ever hours she can get. There are times she could be with the kids, but would rather be with OM. I have been taking D 6-14 with me to as many get togethers and events as possible, S 17 has nothing to do with W or myself, he has withdrawn alot in the last 3 months(just the age). Like I've said before my wife makes up excuses for not taking all the kids (her sister told me that W claimed she did not have enough money to do things with all of them. She does have the money but its all about her(frivilous spending).

The next thing is to realize that most women have a problem letting go of things that happened in the past.

A freaking rolodex of sh*t I don't even remember half of.

How do you mean that? Do you mean the person she's staying with? Do you think she's enabling your W with this S, or do you think something else

Yes to all. According to my girls W has a room at a woman she works with home. The girls tell me she is doing little thing to spruce the place up, caring for her pets ect. She has a new set of friends that I don't know. There is one, which she use to work with also, I have felt that their might be something more their even before she left(no proof). Her life is a huge secret. She spends alot of time in a different county according to phone records.

Don't do anything to enable your W's affair.....if she's having one, and apparently she's having an EA. Outside of helping with the child expenses, I would not enable her financially unless it was some joint bills....unless you want to give her a set amount.

Yes I believe she is having one EA maybe PA now.
By not enabling would that include not pay for her cell phone?(this is my largest source of intel).

She is so far out there its hard to tell what works. For me not taking her calls and messages right away seems to get her calling back more often. But because of the S should I pick up the calls a little more often?

I need some suggestions on a few thoughts I had.....

What about car insurance? She wants to be so independant.

The W mail- should I forward her mail to her new place?

She has clothes and other items still floating around at our home. Should I put them in storage?

My D-6 needs a room of her own. Would dismanteling my W sewing room/office be a good idea?

Thank You Sandi your words are golden.

PS Anyone out there is more than welcome to chime in.