Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

A bit of change in attitude and tactics on my part.

Historically I have tried to avoid any discussion about Separation or D. I have realized that this was mostly due to fear on my part.

I am now making it a point to talk more openly with my W about it.

For example, today while we were both working in the yard (weeding), I said "Recently you have asked on a number of occasions for a separation to give you more space. What kind of separation are you looking for?" Her response was to think about it for a while and say "I don't know, just some space...but logistically I just don't see a way for it to work"

So the openness on my part changes the conversation. Instead of her throwing it at me and then being angry that I won't grant it, I am willing to openly discuss it and she is finding reasons that it can't work.

She also made a joke about D earlier today. The kids were driving us crazy and I was getting a bit stressed and she said something along the lines of "Are you sure you would want custody?" (with a smile)


I also proposed that in the spirit of openness we sit down tonight and exchange whatever information we each have on the D process here in the state. I am hoping to do it without emotions or conflict - just an exchange of information about the law and the process. I also want to give the message that, although I am definitely not in favor of a D, I am conversant and comfortable with the idea -- and not afraid of it. If she wants to talk about D, then great, let's talk, but she can't threaten me with it, or blame me for holding you back.


To be honest, going into these discussions requires a bit of "act as if" in order to not get defensive and stressed, but it is all a part of my process of releasing the fear of D, detaching from the outcome and dropping the rope.