Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

And that right there is the problem with deciding to gather intel ("snooping"). If you can handle it, if you can detach yourself to such an extent that you are more "hovering above" the marriage than emotionally in the MIDDLE of it . . . almost like a "game-playing" mode . . . then the information you can gather is invaluable.

However, if it's only going to serve to beat you down, and defeat you, then it's probably best not to do it.

I actually think it was a good thing I did Puppy. As twisted as this may sound, I needed a slap in the face, kind-of like a reality check. H has been feeding me a bunch of BS the last few days. Perhaps my hopes were rising, thinking H may actually be coming around to reality. My snooping allowed me to realize how wrong I was.

I will stop the snooping for now since I found out what I needed to know. To continue would bring me more heartache. Between last night and this morning the realization came upon me to move on, without him. I need to focus on me and my emotional, physical and psychological needs.

I am treading on a thin line, in and out of depression. I am fighting to keep myself from falling in. I hope I am strong enough.