My Hope Fades....WAW sees no options but D.

[25yearsmlc]

Welcome to the right place for crappy reasons...if you know what I mean. It sucks to be here, but you are in a place of support for trying to DB which means trying to save your M and if nothing else, finding and saving yourself so that you come out of this experience a better person, no matter what.

You pursued her by asking if she wanted to do something so I don't know how much of a 180 that is. Seems like NOT giving her the very space she asked for. But you lucked out in that she invited you along AND apparently since the past would have left you at home without her, now you pretty much need to go to show that marriage to you now, would somehow be better and different. Otherwse, why shouldn't she file?

You put yourself in a weird sitch - so I would say first off, unless there was a plan I can't fathom here, you messed up and should not have pursued. What about giving her space??? But here you are, you "survived" the pursuit mistake, so please, I hope you went and enjoyed the film and did the 180's that you could.

I am glad you didn't stay home to play video games by the way. That's a big red flag if you were doing that in the past when your w wanted to see a film. OR if she wanted to do anything with you, and you chose instead to stay home
and play video games. So, kudos to you for a 180.

I noted a comment you made elsewhere about timing and such. Of the folks who make it around here, almost none of them did it in a timeline to your liking. Meaning, it took awhile for you to get your m into this sitch and it'll take awhile to get it back. Not saying "the same number of years" or anything, but months at a minimum. Keep that in mind. Rushing this or having unrealistic expectations can be disastrous. Try not to look over your shoulder every time you do something that seems nice or good or like progress. Why? B/C it reeks of tactics as opposed to genuine change in you, and she won't trust that your changes are real, if they are just to get a response from her. In fact, those ARE tactics and not sincere changes if they're just a show for her. The deal is, your changes, + time = change in you that she can trust. On your end, that's all you can do and as for what she needs to work on, well, that's her stuff to work on. (It's her responsibility to manage her life and if there comes a time when you can tell her what you need from her that you are not getting, then address it at that time.)

Make your changes real, for you, b/c you want to be a better man. In short, become a man only a fool would leave. That's the best you can do. Leave the rest/results up to God. If she still leaves, then she's the fool.

And last but not least, there is such a thing as couples who div and remarry. I know it sounds terrible but i have a cousin and an aunt/uncle who div and later remarried their exes. But in both those cases, it took YEARS for them to really change themselves, to learn to be better partners, (in one case to grow up and act like an adult,) and neither couple ever intended it I suspect. They became friends as co-parents, saw the changes and improvements in the other, and reunited. The changes were not "tactics" to win the other partner back. They were simply improvements and sincere changes. It happens.

How are you GAL? What are your interactions like with the kids? No mother is unmoved by the loving interaction of her children with their father. IT's a beautiful thing to see, when it's real. Enjoy it. Some men say the one positive thing that comes out of sep or div is that they are "awakened" as fathers. That's a great thing.

Good luck,
J-