i told him that i didnt want to see him anymore so i really screwed myself over.
I think that was probably the best thing you could have done. You MUST focus on getting your sh*t together. Farting around with him would only impede your ability to do that. That was a move toward self-preservation IMO and you can stop beating yourself up. If there is potential for your M, trust me it will happen. First, you've got to grow up and get better.
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thank you for those words, you have no idea how much that meant to me..
You're welcome. I DO know because they were said to me and I remember the feeling. Most people make drastic moves to do something to you, they take those actions because they have something they need to handle...make sense? Like you didn't tell him to leave you alone because you wanted to do something TO him, you are taking care of yourself. Right now, he is taking care of himself in his own way. Does not mean he doesn't care.
