My dream last night was a literal one, you know the rare dream that feels "real" and you wonder "did that happen" when you wake up?
Since H was at a party until past midnight with S9 at the home of friends of his who never really got me (cultural and financial differences)...of course I needed to follow up with a dream of walking into that party to retrieve S9 because it was too damed late. And it was weird and sucked and I felt so alien and people looked at me weird. And certain women looked like they might be someone who might be with him or fancy the possibility of being my sweet son's step-mom. And H was pissy and rude and embarrassing and I went to friend who was having the party and started to explain why I was there to which he responded "I am HIS friend, not sure why you are talking to me"...and there were other people there who I used to know as friends but now felt worse than strangers...
And, of course we argued over S9...in a juvenile way, as H taunted me and delighted in my frustration.
WTF?
Ironically H texted me yesterday asking if S9 could watch a certain movie he knows is inappropriate...then he apologized (we JUST agreed not to text or call unless it is urgent). But, ya, he's really showing me who's in charge now.
S9 called me to tell me they were going out to this party (he should have been getting ready for bed because he had been out late two nights in a row and was exhausted)...so of course it unnerved me (win for H).
And then H texted me at 11ish that I'd have to pick up S9 later this morning because they were still out.
And then H texted me past 12 to tell me about how friend was talking about something he used to make fun of me for (something related to social consciousness) and H pointed out that I was saying that 10 years ago and how ironic it was...
So around we go. AND, S6 reported something to H that was grossly exaggerated and could get me in serious trouble when it comes to custody...I see what he is doing and it frightens me. He is so enamored with his dad and he sees me as the impasse...may as well just tear my heart out and eat it with a nice chianti.
Still being productive. Feels like taking a grain of sand off of a giant mound every time I do one little thing and the wind seems to blow in two more grains for every grain I take...but enough with my metaphors.
Dishes Exercise Shower Bank Deposit (woohoo $60) Work a little if there's time Pick up the cuties
I have to admit, I am a zombie in motion assuming I will awaken to life if I just stay in it.
