Even if she files, in most states there is a lot of time. After almost a year since the D filing, my W decided that being married to me was not that bad after all and asked for another chance.
She is just trying to take the offensive, do not act defensively, that is what she is looking for, be strong and confident when speaking to her about any of this.
Also , if it comes down to it, make sure you document everything as she does not seem fit to be a caregiver to your children right now.
my W decided that being married to me was not that bad after all and asked for another chance.
Oh I pray this is the same for us all. Comes down to what the other half is thinking though. Working through his/her issues and coming to a "logical and/or loving" conclusion.
W just came to me and said she has an appt with an attorney next week. We also have an appt with MC and she has an IC appt next week.
She told me we are divorcing.
Keep in mind: Don't believe anything they say and less than half of what they do.
Don't focus on whether she is telling you the truth or trying to bait you. Focus on yourself and your kids. Try to find activities to do this weekend with the kids - get out of the house!
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Good advice. I called my parents (who are great) and they are taking the boys this weekend. I dropped them off today. Pick them up Sunday. It will be good for them to get out of the house and have some normalcy.
Played golf with my friends tonight and again tomorrow morning. Getting ready to go have a drink at a neighbors house and relax. I am going to invite my wife to come along.
We have a great circle of friends. But it seems she is distancing herself from everyone/everything that has to do with her married life.
I will continue to move forward with patience and not get to up or down based on what she says or does.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
Good to hear your kids are with your parents. It'll be a nice stress-free weekend for them.
Your W is carrying around so much guilt. She is projecting that guilt onto you. When she says you treat her like a whore it's because that is how she sees herself (on some level). She is self-destructive right now. She'll continue to be until she hits rock bottom. Unfortunately you can't save her from herself, only she can do that.
Work on you this weekend. Do something for yourself and don't give a second thought to your sitch or W when you do it.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I sent the kids to my parents this weekend and was get my W to sit and watch Fireproof with me. We slept on the couch together until about 3 in the morning.
I guess this is a small step. I hope this next week continues to see some small steps.
Next up, see if I can get her to attend Retro weekend.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
Over the past 2 days my W has come to me and wanted to talk about R. She says that she wasn't sorry about the PA right after it happened, but realizes now how much she hurt me.
It seems to be always followed by,...but, I don't deserve to be punished for the rest of my life (no alimony due to PA) because of a stupid mistake that lasted 3 months.
She also is still insisting on D.
She also finally admitted that she has been blaming me for 100% of our problems and not taking responsbility for her part.
I mentioned to her during one of our R talks this weekend that I wasn't intersted in a D. I felt like she was rushing and we had lots of other options like MC, Retro ...etc.
She asked me when there was a Retro and I said not really sure what it is, but have heard good things about it.
I would like to go to her and have her agree to go but not sure the timing is right yet.
Any thoughts?
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
It seems to be always followed by,...but, I don't deserve to be punished for the rest of my life (no alimony due to PA) because of a stupid mistake that lasted 3 months.
A rape or a murder takes mere minutes. Is one not "punished" for the rest of their life (or a good chunk of years) as a consequence for the foolish choice to inflict one of these?
And yes, I consider adultery tantamount to the rape of the marriage, in fact in some ways it's WORSE since at least a rape is often inflicted by a stranger, whereas this is someone who is supposed to love and cherish you, and forsake all others for.
I think your position should be "Look, I don't want a divorce, but if it happens, there are going to be consequences for your decisions that I won't rescue you from."
You need to avoid these R talks -- big DB no-no. It takes TWO to have a conversation, and you should be saying "I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about this right now." She is baiting you, and constantly looking for REASSURANCE, and frankly that's not your job.
