H woke me up when he got in last night (sometime around midnight - after getting a tattoo). Asked why I was in S's room. Ended up telling H about FB and feeling like a fool. H didn't see a problem with having OW on friend's list. H said he never blocked me from anything. Very short conversation, no yelling, no crying, nothing. H then tried to get me to come sleep in our bed. I refused.
I looked at H's cell phone in the middle of the night. I know, no snooping but needed to know contact with OW since he claimed he stopped talking to her. H has been talking to her and numerous texts between them. Several texts elude to things of a sexual nature and leave little to the imagination. H has sent pictures to her with his shirt off. All pictures she sent him were deleted.
H tried to talk to me this morning before leaving. I was so tired I forget half of the conversation. Basically I just listened, afraid of what I might say. I did say he needed to make a decision one way or another. H responded with something like - or it's over? I once again just said, you need to figure things out and I think you need IC.
Okay, I need help. I need to regroup. It feels like I've hit a roadblock. I am going to re-read the LRT in DR today, which is where I started at. I'm also going to go over the detaching information (I printed out the article GIMA suggested and stuff Sandi wrote). I think where I have gotten stuck is I have been focusing too much on the M and him, not at all on me. I do need to start living for me and S. I need to detach because if I don't, I'm not going to make it.
H continues to break my heart. In allowing it to be broken time and time again, I am getting depressed and angry, even feeling revengeful. Although I'm sure these feelings are normal, I need to break free as much as possible.
I welcome any ideas, suggestions or advice.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
