jUst leaving an update....went to the doc on Friday...left w 6 scripts...3 new ones...I have poison ivy from the bush I removed last week....grrrrr....but as I was using the ax I said choice words to H.....nice and loud.....no one was around thank God...but it felt good to sweat and work at it....I was sore for a few days but my yard looks amazing...I've gotten lots of compliments on it already...
Doc gave me something for my nerves...actually it knocks me out, I haven't been sleeping much at all...I wake with my mind racing about bills, kids, and how to keep everything once this marriage ends....and looks as though he is pushing for summers end.....then he wants to be my friend....I told him I didn't want to speak to him...he could text me if and when he feels he needs to see his son...at this point I just have no fight left in me....I'm exhausted....
My D17 got her diver's license on Friday....and I taught her...woohoo....she and I have become quite the pair....w/out her I would not have made it this far....we depend on each other for support...fortunately we are never down at the same time....
Ive been crying so much these past few days....it's just all hitting me and I cant get control over it....H went on a motorcycle trip with his buds....of course we really don't have the money for it but he doesnt care....he has no clue of our bills....I guess he will wake up real quick when all this comes to a head...
I am still going to an attorney on Tues....writing down lots of questions....I am just done fighting....if he wants out then I'm letting it go....he doesnt want me and I don't want to fight for someone who has no respect for me or who's not in love with me....I've prayed...I've done everything I think I can do....it's 30 years gone....life is tough....I've learned lots of lessons...I've learned I cant fix everything...and even though I fought the fight this long...I failed....but I guess its ok to fail....in God's eyes I will always be his wife....in H's eyes I am nothing....I was just a B**** who made his life miserable all these years...so it wasn't worth fighting for to him...he was over it, done, and in his words..."I've moved on".....
My D17 is on her way to church today....to pray for our new beginning....I will always have my children....because even if I've made mistakes....I will never run....my love for my children is so deep and they are why I'm here....they've learned some painful lessons...ones we dont want them to have to go through....we can make it....one day at a time....
Hugs to all.....Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
