I really do think that my XW is starting to regret the D and what you just said there strikes some familiar chords.
Thanks! she called my cell when i was at work yesterday, I did not pick up and let it go to voice mail.. she left a short message where she simply said hi, she was just thinking of me and that was the only reason she called, she said well u must be buisy so I will talk to u later... then at 10:30 at night she sent a text asking if i was mad at her.. I wrote back alittle later and i just said "Nope, I will talk to u later". she responded right away with an ok and smilie face. so far it looks good!
Sounding good, just don't set youself for a potential let down by setting any expectations and be on the lookout for setting yourself up potentially as a 'safety net'.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
thanks again, I guess I could post the progress as each day unfolds (she has been contacting me almost everyday. mostly through texts) but Im sure that would just be overkill on this. although I would enjoy some thoughts on doing some of this.. trying to GAL, how will she see? we usually dont see eachother much so how will she see when I have my own Life? when we have talked she gets very upset if she hears or if I even mention a friend and me are doing something out at night. I know she was checking who I texts when we still had the same phone plan. (odd since she is "done") IDK i guess I could just ramble on and on
although I would enjoy some thoughts on doing some of this.. trying to GAL, how will she see? we usually dont see eachother much so how will she see when I have my own Life?
Ask, yee shall receive. WRONG approach, completely wrong. Getting a life, is FOR YOU, not her. NONE of any changes to made are for her. When you change yourself to make your life better, others, her included will take note. Your current thinking is to just put on show and hope she takes note and comes strolling back, and maybe she will. But guess what, over time you'll just slip right back into the same old rut and she'll probably leave again, read through some of the threads and take note of how many R attempts failed because the "change" of the LBS weren't genuine.
It sounds like you really may have a good chance at things. I'd hate to see anyone else blow it or go all the way through the "big D" as I have in order to get a reality check on all sides of the fence, when it may just be all too late.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
ok, I see what you are saying ( i really do) I guess what im doing is for ME but at the same time im concerned what she is doing... I have found my old friends are still there and have let me back just like I was never gone (wife used to want me home all the time. til guess what "I need space" "why dont you go out!" ect.. you prob know the phrases. So lately I do go out and have fun, I do all sorts of things I used to do. (my friends did say DONT EVER let anyone do that again!!!) and they are right I put my whole life into her and my kids... my kids will always come first but no other person will be again.
heck I used to be a big prank person at work and well I back at that. (of course I knows she will never know that part) but im just curious how she will ever know. am i still missing the key point?
I think that you will change. Your attitude will change, you will have things to tell her about that dont involve her, the people around you will be able to see the changes that you have, and will hopefully continue, to make.
Even if she never knows that you are getting playful at work, isnt it good for your mental wellbeing? That is what she is going to notice.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
this is so difficult for me, Ive been reading lots of posts on the boards and it seems as though her calling and texting me as much as she does is a bit unusual. I guess i expected to see more posts where the WAW or WAH still calls and texts alot but I sure feel like im on my own here as far as that goes. I do find that not contacting her and letting her do all the contacting does make it better on me because I know at least im on her mind with the daily or close to daily texts.
I hope Im doing this right when I wait to respond to her texts a good 15-60 min after reciving most of them.. but with my short responces I hope im not comming off the wrong way..
I cant help but wonder though that once I GAL and if she decides she wants to work on the M again I will be done and not want to.
Dude, Thats the point. Well, sort of, the point is for you to heal. To grow beyond where you are, and have been. To put yourself in a position where you make it through her MLC/A/whatever, in the most healthy way possible, and so that you are well positioned to either survive without her, or have a chance at a reconciliation when shes ready to work on things.
You realize what your saying? Once I become someone with a life, once I have healed and cultivated a richer existence, will I still be interested in her? Maybe you wont. Maybe you will realize that you deserve better, and you will have grown into a stronger man, maybe one who wont stand for the mistreatment. As well as one who has learned some valuable lessons about marriage and how to preserve it.
I honestly dont think that that would happen, I firmly beleive that you and her have a chance, and that your commitment wont waver, but would it be so bad if it did, if that was how it ended up?
I think that you are doing well not immediately replying to her texts, you arent pursuing, which may be why you are in such heavy contact with her, unlike many of the people on this board, but dont forget that you are following a DB principle here, maybe this is just the degree of going dark that your sitch needed!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I guess as a recap she of course she texted me again while I was out last night. nothing much just a text out of no where telling me she might bring the kids over to my house today because she might take them to a movie first.
I did not respond to it. I dont think there was anyreason to.
I ended up runniing into her brother later and I stayed out with him and a bunch of friends til 3:30 AM its very odd he still refers to me as his brother inlaw and my wifes name is not even brought up once. you would have never thought there was trouble in paradise. I guess it just shows even with everything her brother and I will remain friends
