Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Well, to put my 2 cents worth in ... I've been on the receiving end of that. Not for a good while. But is *sucks*. It sucks to sit on the couch by yourself night after night .... it sucks almost more, I think, to sit on the couch next to a man who has fried his brain so hard that he might as well be on Mars for all the sense of meaningful presence or engagement you get out of him. (No, no other engineer-type's wife out there would know *anything* about that, no sir ....)

I can even almost understand the WAWs who have emotionally detached so completely *from motives of self-protection* in those circumstances that they feel they could never let down their guard again. Understand, but not endorse. If she's got a man who is willing to TRY to reprioritize and reengage, I think she owes it to everyone involved to really give it the old college try herself.

Thanks Kettricken, It helps to hear the other side, it really does. I can see that my W is in SO much pain. She is lashing out, and acting out, and directing it at me and blaming me, but I can now clearly see that her current pain is not about me. It's not about anything I am doing now. I have prioritized. I have reengaged.

So I'm not taking it personally now.

I just see the pain and really feel sorry for her.

I also wonder how much of the pain she is in is coming from the history of our sitch, and how much is FOO oriented - things I know nothing about, and can do nothing about.

Note: If this was a wife who was simultaneously whining about her husband's earning power/pressuring him to advance in his career .... then her feelings of abandonment have no validity. She made her choice. I mean, her feelings have validity in that they are now facts to be grappled with, but the husband should confidently bypass the guilt portion of the program. IMHO.

I'd like to throw a note of caution here. For years, all I heard from my W in the way of complaints was "We need a vacation", "We need a bigger house", "We need a new car", "I need..." All I kept hearing was "More $", "More $", "More $" I realize now that she really wasn't asking for these things. She was asking for Quality time and support. I think this may be a pretty common problem.