Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[hoosiermama]

Ashlee--one night I found myself on my knees on the kitchen floor, absolutely hysterical. screaming, crying, shouting "no!" don't remember to this day how I got down there or how long it went on. unfortunately my daughter was home at the time. which made it all so much worse. I think I must have cried and screamed until I was exhausted, then cried some more with D12 and apologized, then realized I was scaring her. one of the worst nights of my life, undoubtedly. I know where you are and how awful you feel. the only answer I can give you is that it DOES get better over time. there are good days and bad ones, and good moments and bad ones. you find something to hang onto--and maybe it's that your kids need you to be strong. maybe it's something else. and when you are in pain or you're hurting or you're angry you just feel it, and you know that it won't kill you even though you might wish it would. and you hang out here and vent and get advice from people who survived what you're enduring now.

a year after that low point for me, I once again feel joy. I once again like myself, I am once again a good mother. I am divorced and I didn't want to be, and my financial status will probably never be comfortable. but I have a life again, and I am making it and finding reasons to get up in the morning where I least expected them. and I know myself, and I accept that I am not perfect but I am pretty dang okay. it does get better, I promise you that. the only way out of this pit is through it--that's a truth you'll hear from everyone who's been here. and the other side is infinitely more beautiful than anything you can imagine tonite.