Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ashlee,

If you let yourself get like this, then she's beat you TWICE.

Think about it.

Puppy

[Faith2010]

Maybe she did win...again. I can't keep doing this. Honestly, I don't know how anyone does this.

I'm hysterical here. I want to throw things...I want to scream...I want, you know what, I don't know what the he11 I want. What am I fighting for anyway?

I don't know anymore...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You're fighting for your son, you're fighting for YOU, and you're fighting for the man your husband used to be, and still is underneath the fog. That's what we ALL fought for.

If, after the fight, you determine that he's not, or -- thru your own growth -- you determine you don't WANT him anymore, than you STILL come out stronger than YOU were before, and stronger for your son.

How can that be a bad thing?

Puppy

[hoosiermama]

no, you're sooo not a fool. you're in pain is all.

your questions have no good answers, and they're the ones we've all asked ourselves. in the beginning I chose to look at it as some kind of non-officially-categorized addendum to the DSM-IV, a syndrome of being out of touch with reality. because truly, that's what it is. it helped me not personalize it, so if that's helpful to you it's yours. brain chemicals flowing freely, leading to psychosis. generally temporary.

don't take it out on you or your life. it's not about you. tragically, it affects you in a horrible way, but it's not about you at all. remember that.

[Faith2010]

why does it have to hurt so bad

[hoosiermama]

Maybe she did win...again. I can't keep doing this. Honestly, I don't know how anyone does this.

I'm hysterical here. I want to throw things...I want to scream...I want, you know what, I don't know what the he11 I want. What am I fighting for anyway?

I don't know anymore...

then do it. scream, throw things. punch pillows. get it out. have a big old cathartic cry. whatever works for you. that's how we do this--we get it out of ourselves where it can do damage and we gain perspective. it feels more powerful than it is--once you start, you WILL be able to stop screaming, throwing things, punching things. I promise. been there, done that.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Because if it didn't, then it wasn't really much of a relationship or a family, was it.

It hurts because you HAVE put a lot into your relationship, and your family, and so it hurts like hell when something gets in the way of it.

The pain is the reminder that it's worth fighting for, Ash.

Puppy

[Gardener]

why does it have to hurt so bad

We all wish we had the answer to that for you, Ash.

I've been using this phrase a lot lately. On this forum and to myself:
The pain becomes suffering only when we don't accept it.

[hoosiermama]

why does it have to hurt so bad

I'm so sorry. it does hurt really bad. it's excruciating. betrayal and infidelity cut to the core. it does get better. really.

[drew7]

The pain is the reminder that it's worth fighting for, Ash.

That is a great quote. Looks like I'll be crying with you Ashlee.

---
Drew