Hello optimist, I like your name. Me too I'm a "glass half full" kind of person
I have been trough everything in our marriage in search for any patterns that could be creating problems or week links. What I found the first time was some loss of communication and time together as a couple due to all the time we were working. But that was fixed at that time. We both agreed that it was important to keep communication open and to remember time for ourselves. No kids just us.
We discussed the fact that sometimes being so busy we tended to forget the small things. A note tucked in his pocket, a message left in my nightable, small things like that. And we decided we were going to do our best not to forget them. We have remembered.
I read a few books, including both the "monogamy myth" and "surving the affair" and found them both interesting and filled with things that made sense. But I 've never read " Not just friends" , I will look for it next.

As for time to stay or let go, I agree with you. There is a time for each of those solutions. I feel the dividing line is when you feel you aren't comfortable with your choice anymore. Threshold point is different with everyone but I believe there is a point where it happens. I'm glad I didn't reach it either, although sometimes I feel I'm getting closer.
VEnting here feels good. Due to the fact that I have no family in here - other than my H's family, and better not go in there - I tend to let everything inside. I do have some friends, but with all the problems in the last few years, and specially all the jobs, I kind of lost contact with some. Other although sympatetic had no idea of what I was going trough, and yet others criticized me for wanted to stay in this marriage, so yes... it is good to be able to vent here, where people understand were I'm coming from and have been through similar situations.
Big hug
nightsahde

"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "