I am at the three year mark of DBing, and talking about H's EA is only just now getting to the point I wanted it to be back then. Piecing is a really long road, that's why it's so important to take care of yourself and to detach.
At some point your H might open up about it, but from what I've read on here and my own experience, it takes a lot longer than the LBS would like it to. I think our WAS is embarrassed...ashamed...and they don't want to deal with it. As for me, my H doesn't think he did anything wrong since he never did anything physical. He can't wrap his head around how it would be easier for me if he'd slept with her and used her like a piece of trash rather than to become emotionally connected with her. He just wants me to let it go.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with your H about how you feel. Detach from the outcome--express your feelings simply because it feels better to be honest, and that's really a part of developing intimacy. "H, I know you don't want to talk about this, but this is how your choice has affected me. Much as I want to, I can't flip a switch. I am in pain. My purpose isn't to beat you up, it's to find a way to heal and get past this pain." Something like that.
GAL, definitely. And if you liked The Secret, you might want to look into Byron Katie's self-inquiry process called "The Work." It's really powerful stuff, and it's helped me clean up a lot of my feelings around what H did.
Just keep breathing. IMHO, piecing is as difficult as separation, maybe more difficult because we tend to start having expectations and also now have to deal with our own feelings about the M.
Are you guys in MC? If you aren't, find someone that will help you guys navigate that mess. That helped a lot in my situation.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
