Can it work?

[nightshade]

lost love, I don't think I'm strong. But I do have quite many years behind of a wonderful marriage. I don't think love just disappears one fine day. I do believe that there are times were some people are more vulnerable to outside experiences, and those times as alitsa said might have a lot to do with low self esteem, depression and stuff like that.
This doesn't excuse any of what happened, but darn it! I am not going to let this take away all we have behind! And I am not going to offer my husband on a silver platter for another woman.
Regardless, I did think about quiting quite often, specially this time. I guess my capacity for understanding was stretched to the limit. And as you can see from my posts I'm still not completely sure this will work. But if it doesn't I will call quits when I am ready and not when and affair is happening.it will be on my terms, not anybody else's.
As for emotional or physical affair, I have to be honest. An emotional affair scares me as much as a physical one if not even more. It it the emotional link that hurts me. Sex... well, you can have sex without love,, you can even enjoy it. You don't have to feel any need to stay with that person afterwards, and other than the obvious health problems that can be quite serious, it doesn't have to mean much. But once you start forming an emotional bond, then that scares me. Because it just goes beyond simple sex into more complex feelings.
The other thing that worried me about this second affair was the lenght of time it went for. True it was on and off trough all that time, but it went for almost a year. After such a long time, habit also becomes part of the equation I think. You get used to spend time with that person, regardles of your feelings for her, and it becomes more and more difficult to break it. Time spent with the person becomes part of the routine of your life.
To be honest, by the end of May I was calling some friends back home and figuring out cost of living back home. And that tells a lot. I was ready to just go. I have no other famlily in here, all my familiy is back home and I'm here only because of my husband. I left a great job and a family that loved me, just to be here with him - true I did postpone my wedding twice and cancelled it altogether once, because I really didn't want to leave everything, but I ended up doing it.
For now, I'm staying and as comfortable with my decision as possible. If that changes or if there is another affair then I will have to rethink all my options and I might let it go. It was hard enough and I don't feel any masochistic need to be consistently hurt.
Take care and I hope that everything goes great with your relationship.
Relationships are such complex things aren't they? Letting someone have the power to hurt us this much is what takes courage, and we do it without even thinking of it, I suppose human beings are way braver than what they look
hugs
nightshade