Yeah, it can work. I see a lot of similarities in our sitches already, just from your first post.
My partner also works nights (and in the health-care field). He has had several email/phone relationships with women that could easily have (but didn't) lead to affairs.
He had a brief EA/PA with a co-worker (they still work together--grrrrr).
Even though he ended (to my knowledge) the A after I found out, I think it was very hard on him to end it. Even though he clearly didn't care much for her, it was hard to cause her pain.
We have made some major progress in MC recently regarding my need to have some very clear boundaries about female friends and co-workers. I strongly believe that, like many men, my H has a real blind spot in this area.
First of all, he is naive about women and how extremely coniving and manipulative an OW (or potential OW) can be. (Sounds like you've got a real master-manipulator on your hands with that OW!)
Secondly, I may get myself in trouble here with some of the men, but how many guys have the skills or even the concept of saying "no" to sex when it's offered in that way--not to mention the emotional extortion that's going on at the same time? Men are socialized to get what they can, not to say no. Once married, that is dampened quite a bit, they may not be out looking, but may be at a total loss in a situation like your H is now in.
Thirdly, another vulnerability that I see is common with your H and mine is low self-esteem and ego.
Throw all of those together and they can be very vulnerable to a predatory OW! I'm not trying to say these guys are weak or inferior in some way--just have a real blind spot in this area. They are, basically, normal average guys, decent men who don't recognize the threat until it's too late to extracate themselves (apologies to all of the guys on this bb who think my statements are not very pc).
My partner and I are finally at the point where we can begin looking at those vulnerabilities and strengthening those areas. As our MC recently suggested, if these vulnerabilities have the potential to destroy our R, then they are a common enemy and deserve to be worked on as a team.
I'll be looking forward to seeing your progress! BTW, if your H does get another job, hopefully it will be one with medical benifits that include coverage for counseling!
