All along he's been saying he doesn't want a D. I don't want one either (in large part because of our son) and certainly there is no rush to do it, so that is the last resort at this point. However, a "real" separation is probably what is called for now. We have been doing this dance for about a year and while he's here with me a lot of the time, he's not here. He doesn't feel that way towards me and he believes, as I do, that after all of this time, the feelings aren't coming back. And neither of us know what in the world we can do to create those feelings again. If we could, we would in a second.
This is very difficult for me to write on a public board but I will: About 5 years ago, I had an illness that caused some physical changes in me. At the time, I was a pretty 33 year old with a great figure. Feeling like I was "losing my looks" pretty much destroyed what litle self esteen I had and made me push him away. I wish he had pursued me more, but he didn't or couldn't and the whole mess caused a huge rift between us. We have't been the same since. And since then our sex life has been awful - wasn't great before. He says he has no desire to ML with me at all. So sounds like the feelings are dead-dead. And I can't completely carry myself the way I did when we first started dating because my illness has caused permanent physical changes that affect me. I try, but I will always struggle with this.
The way he acts towards me now, I believe the "love" feelings he says he has are simply because of our past 21 year history together and the fact that I am the mother of his son. That is just not enough to sustain a relationship. He doesn't even feel affectionate towards me, like wants to hug, hold hands, etc.
So maybe when he says he doesn't want a divorce, he really does because there is no other option? He believes his feelings are gone for good. He believes that he has tried everything he can. I can't change his mind on that.
