Finally trying to move on without H

[Gardener]

Hi, Beep,
Glad you went to the party. Proud of ya

i went to the party everyone! im really proud of myself
i had fun with all my friends, didnt do any dancing[

Hey, where's that ol' Beepee "but"?

now and cant sleep because again, im getting tummy pains from missing my H.i really miss him and want to email him so bad. why doesnt he care about me? it sucks. i have to get out of this, going out last night made me miss him because everyone had their bfs with them but it also made me miss the fun i used to have before all of this. im trying to do everything i can to take my mind off him but it still feels so fresh, its only been 5 weeks since everything happened. i feel like its gonna take at least a year to be ok but god, i dont wanna think about how long it will take!!

There it is

wifey, i completely agree with you and my behavioral patterns.

Good, beepee. So let's read it again.

I notice a pattern here. You start to feel good and then you talk yourself out of it. Two steps forward and three steps back is no way to get anywhere.

i need to really stop and take a deep breath when my negative thoughts start to come on and just think about all the good to come. its gonna be hard but i want to live again so motivation right now is life. MY LIFE and how i deserve to live it to the fullest. no one can make me happy, only i can make myself happy and i hope to find the man that adds to my happiness and vice versa.

Hooray! And hooray for you for once again saying all your very real panicky heartbreak and pain here instead of contacting H and then regretting it. Good for you.

Re the above, I thought it'd be good to show you your pattern in action and, since you brought it back to wifey's point, bring wifey's words back, too.

Last night was a big step. Sounds like you had a blast!!