Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

I woke up to a nightmare this morning. Karma, kicks me in the a$$ every time.

H very, VERY upset(angry). A friend of mine who happened to visit 2 nights ago sent him an e-mail. Basically she told him what she thought of what he's doing and that he is a "piss poor" role model for our S. I didn't know about the e-mail til this morning.

H had gone so far to read a text she sent this morning telling me she sent the e-mail and that I should leave him. (I knew none of this til I woke up) H went thru all my texts to find one I wrote to her the other morning asking if she was up and did H run away (I knew he wouldn't stay around to see her).

Okay, after H gets over his 'fit' and shows me the e-mail, we talk. H still doesn't think he's having an affair (I told him it was an emotional affair). Then we get on the topic of our S. I asked if he's talked with S since this whole thing started. No. I told him S is at a very impressionable age and is looking to his father as a role model, as a man and as a H. I asked what do you think you talking on the phone with that thing makes S think and feel? H said probably not good. H says he hasn't talked to OW on phone in front of S in a couple weeks (since that boundary I set). BUT, not true cause he talked all the time at his parents house, which I informed him of. H denied. I said S saw him as did others who asked S who H was on the phone with. I told H S does not feel H is spending any time with him (as evidenced by the other morning when S said something when H left for 2nd job). H said he had no idea about S. I said what you are doing doesn't just affect me, but also our S. H commented he might need help in how to deal with S.

I can't remember the whole conversation but I did tell H I strongly feel he needs IC and who gives a crap what the military says about it.

I feel like we've gone 10 steps back. No, maybe 100. Ahhhh...I feel like screaming and crying and crawling into a hole.

When H showed me the e-mail he asked I stay back while he pulls it up. Why...I saw why. All the rest of the e-mails were from OW. H hasn't stopped sh!T with OW. I don't know how much more I can live with.

I hate this feeling I have. I want to die again, I hate this pain. And I am SO MAD at myself for feeling this way. It truly pisses me off that I get feeling this way. Here I was feeling so strong yesterday and WHAM...back down again.

H is out for a run then I think working other job. How do I handle another conversation with him? I think I need to get the he!! out of the house with S or something. I am so tired of this emotional roller coaster.