What a weekend...

[AlexEN]

Alex..

When I was going through the emotional chaos of divorce I clung to keeping the family whole with every fiber of belief, anxiety, fear I had. "It's all about the children. It's about the family. It's about us.. It's, it's it's."

At some point I realized that as important as family is, that 'it's about the children' was a smoke screen for my own fear, my own disbelief. Yes, the shredding of the family unit does put a hole in their hearts. Yet, kids are resilient, adapting better than the adults. They model after their parents. My 18 year old son volunteered that if he thought about what his dad had done, was doing it would eat him alive. Instead my son chooses to focus on what is good in his life, enjoys the present and goes forward.

I don't know.. you do the best you can, become the best person you can be, learn appropriate boundaries, become an active listener... grow.. and see where it goes.

And underneath it all is the unconditional love for your children, a whole new you emerging... more aware, thoughtful.. and just plain incredible. A different you, a new beginning.. hopefully with your spouse.. if not with the knowledge you did all you could in the best way possible. Respect, honor and dignity.

As long as I blamed spouse, I was a victim. Letting go of blaming allowed growth.

Hmmm.. seeing the time.. Am I sleeping typing?

*hugs*

Gypsy,

Points all well taken. What I have a tough time with is that the boys "know" that it's "because" I did something "really bad". That's a tough pill to swallow when it's anything but the truth.

W yesterday told me she was upset by what the counselor told us each about what S9 had said because "it made her look bad" because how could they think she was "so shallow" that she wouldn't forgive me "for one little thing."

I said, "Yeah, I can kinda see that, but they think the reason is because I did something bad. That's a tough pill to swallow."

-AlexEN