~ My story ~

[Distracted1978]

I realize I've left out of TON of all kinds of important details & it may be difficult to follow ~ I'll try to clear up a couple of things....

He stills sees "my" 3 children even though we are seperated, I think he is a wonderful father for the most ~ we all get better with age. It was very difficult while we were together. He was not the nicest most caring person in the world to any of us. After S he began to come around & see the important things in life ~ Don't know what you got till it's gone ~

After looking around, I've read his posts here which contradict my reality....everyone has their own opinion & feelings. That's just how he was feeling at the time & I try not to take it to heart.

He just acts as though "I owe him" I keep telling him that M is not a debt...I don't get that.

After leaving again on Sunday, he's stayed consistent that he wants our M to work & he is going to stay single now & work on himself & we should see a C. I agreed to seeing a C, but that has yet to happen. It was his idea & I asked him to make the arrangments though I was not "feeling" it, I would still go for our children. He just said it wouldn't work if I wasn't into it & I think that's silly.....everyone has apprehensions after what we've experienced.

Anyway, let me 1st say that I KNOW THIS WAS WRONG, But......
considering the lack of trust between us & he wanting to repair our M, I needed to see some proof of that ~ not just words & I rode by his apartment last night @ 1030 to see if he was NOT there......this was the 2nd time this week.

On Tuesday I went by for a different reason. He was acting really strange on Monday night~extremely depressed & has told me on numerous occassions that he has considered killing himself. Anyway, I sent him a txt on Tuesday morning (early) to see how he was doing & did not get a response. I sent another one & nothing, I called & he didn't answer, I called again a little later, nothing.

I dropped the kids off @ summer camp & before going to work I decided I would go there & check on him. I mean I was frantic!!! I pulled up & his truck was not there, it wasn't anywhere around there. I looked & looked thinking maybe he couldn't get a spot @ his building or something & NOTHING!

I tried calling again while sitting there still no answer.

I reluctantly proceeded to work & about 10 minutes later he sent me a txt & said he'd overslept & just woke up. I asked where he was & he said he was at his apartment & then I told him I'd just been there & knew he wasn't. I said I didn't care where he was I just wanted to know he was safe. He PERSISTED numerous times that he was there & so on as if he was guilty (I know b/c been there, done that).

He later told me that he'd woke up early & decided to go out & have breakfast before work...... LIE MUCH?!

How can he want our M to work & lie @ the same time?

I know it was wrong to ride by his house last night, but with all that has happened I just really WANTED to know if he was real or not....I'm thinking not.....

I feel like I'm losing my mind!!!!