Hi everyone, thanks to all who post and respond to these board, I think this group may save lives, truly. Anyway, My H and I have been separated for over 14 months (he moved out last May). During that time, we've spent a few weeks apart (maybe 2 months total), but most of it has been in limbo with him spending a great deal of time with me and our Even taking vacations together. Unfortunately, there has been no sex or affection and after a year of this, it has finally come out in full force (we've been tippy toeing around it up to this point) that he loves me, but not like a husbnd should and hasn't for a long time and he doesn't think those feelings are coming back. At the same time, he doesn't want to let go of the relationship and neither do I. However, at this point, we both see no other option other than a separation (don't have a legal one yet) or divorce, although neither of us want that. But given his lack of feelings, there seems to be no alternative. We both agree that too much time has passed and things don't look hopeful at all. We are good friends still, just not husband/wife anymore. We've been together 21 years and have an 8 year old son.

Counseling is out of the question as he says you can't force what isn't there.

So does anyone have any idea where to go from here? Obviously we need to stop hanging out together (again), did it twice before, but we always drifted back towards eachother after a while, unable to let go. Problem is, the crucial feelings that are needed for this relationship are dead. Our sex life was pretty bad way before he left and like dummies, we didn't address it properly. And we haven't attempted it since he left. We lost our connection, and there seems no way to get it back. Again, how do you force something to be that isn't there?

Any advice or anything else we could possibly try before we start a formal separation?

I would love to hear from others who are going through the same situation. Facing an amicable divorce because there really aren't any problems other than the lack of feelings on H's part.

And how do you proceed with the D when clearly neither of you want it, but both are seeing there is no other choice? How do you get yourself strong enough to do it?