It does seem everytime I either enforce a boundary or do something out of the ordinary (such as leaving last Friday), it triggers H to react.
I think in my mind, I will not tolerate OW anymore. How can there be a M if there is a third person involved? There can't be.
I feel I've made tremendous strides from where I was this time last Friday. I don't want to get excited about the change in myself because I know how easy it is to be knocked down again.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Puppy has a point Ashlee. If your H thinks you are "punishing" him by withholding sex.....then he'll sulk, pout, get mad, the whole nine yards.....however, if you let him know that you do not find him attractive.....well....that is another matter, entirely!
Thanks for pointing this out Sandi. I could tell this morning H was eluding to the fact that I was punishing him and I was trying to get across the point that it was not a punishment.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Ash, I would def. put a stop to his advances when they come. It will get in his head in a big way that he is not attractive to you anymore. Honestly I have a hard time understanding the nerve of some people to be in M with someone and expecting to be treated the same way when they are cheating. He needs to end this behavior if anything is ever going to progress. Keep up the good work. RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
RTQ - Thank you. I feel like I am doing the right thing. Thus far it's not quite as hard as I feared it would be. Then again, H works 24 hour shifts so I only have to deal with it every other night and tonight is a good night (i.e. H not home)
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Guess I wasn't through....lol. Talking about how he responds to your boundaries, (and this is not to make "you" look bad in the least)....but he sounds like a man who is not use to respecting boundaries and thinks he can do whatever he wants and you will still think it's an honor to sleep with him. He really sounds like a child having a tantrum in the way he reacts to you putting your boundaries in place. I think he will test you a lot....in different areas....and you will need to be strong. You can do it Ash.....we are going to keep cheering you on!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yeah, just curl your lip and say, "I don't think so, bud!" Or....you can look sick to your stomach....whichever works best for you....
Sandi - you crack me up!
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I think he will test you a lot....in different areas....and you will need to be strong. You can do it Ash.....we are going to keep cheering you on!!
H will continue to test me, everyday, whether at home or at work. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people on this board. Without you I would probably go mad! As twisted as it sounds, being able to read what others are going through makes me feel better. At least I know that I'm not alone.
Thanks to my cheering section. You guys are my angels!
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
You are doing great. We may be the cheering section (don't think the cheerleader outfit would be too hot on me ), but you are doing the hard work. Keep it up.
