I agree guys, but it wasn't like that. She was just down/in a mood. I'm not going to go accusing/calling her on stuff that may or may not be there.
I surprised her with the night away Saturday morning. She kind of tired when I gave her the little invitation I'd made up with the details on it, so she didn't jump up and down or anything, but she was excited.
We went and had a great time. It was funny, at one point we were watching this band and I had taken my arm from around her to clap for a song didn't immediately put it back there and she grabbed my arm and put it around her shoulder. A couple other times during the day/night she grabbed MY hand to hold it.
We went back to our hotel and ML. And here's the kind of interesting thing....I'm not sure she totally wanted to, but she did anyway! She was involved and everything, but I think she did it for ME. Now that's saying something.
Ok, gotta go. I'll write more later.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
What I meant is that if she seems "out of it", just ask her why and tell you why you thought she seemed "down" or whatever. Just ask her. Otherwise, you can make up stuff in your head, even unconsciously, about the whys and whats.
Everything is sounding great, Hope. She is tearing down that wall. Your patience is paying off. Cherish your relationship. So many on this board would die for the chance you got.
Thanks WDID. I know there are many on this board that would die for the chance I have, but let me say, all is not wonderful in H4U land and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle some things.
Caught W in a lie last night. Her old boss called and she sat right there with me while she talked to him. And I could hear what he was saying. It was totally mundane stuff, so no worries there, but about a half hour before he called her phone rang a couple times and then whoever called hung up. Now everyone knows on cell phones that when someone calls and hangs up you get the "missed call" thingie. then he calls a little later. A few minutes after their call, I said "was that him that called earlier and hung up?" and W replied (in a fairly snotty tone) "I don't know". Now you and I know that's a lie.
So now I'm stuck with how to handle that. And I have mixed emotions. On one hand there's a part of me that wants to call her on it and have the big WTF is going on discussion. Another part of me thinks things have been progressing well and I shouldn't push her on this. We HAVE made big progress and it seems to be getting better and better all the time and there'll be a time and place to deal with things like this and I should just act as if it doesn't bother me.
Second thing, I stopped by W's office today to get the tour of her new building. She was excited that I did and took me around the whole building, showing me everything. Did I mention she was excited? Anyway, I have a seat in her office and what's front and center on her file cabinet? That freakin glass. And then I looked on her window ledge and there's a coffee cup that says "I (heart symbol) LA" Now we've never been to Los Angeles so that' cup is about Louisiana, and that's where OM is from and I KNOW he got it for her.
So here we are. Everything is progressing nicely, but there's something holding her back when she's at work and not when she's at home on the weekends or when we're out of town. And it's either those affair momentos or friendly contact with the POS when she's at work.
Again, not sure how to handle it. One part of me wants to confront her and have the WTF are we doing conversation. The other part of me thinks, we're progressing nicely, let it go for now and at some point those things won't have the meaning to her that they do and then I'll deal with them.
So that's where I am. Happy where we seem to be going and seem to have progressed to, but frickin livid when I see that kind of stuff wonderfully displayed for all the world to see just how dreamy the POS was.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
My initial reaction was IT'S TIME to have the talk, but you can really go either way. One thing to think about, though, is how could waiting to talk HURT you and/or her. If the pros outweigh the cons, then you have your answer.
W and I went to "our" bar/grill for dinner. We had a nice time. At one point we went outside so W could smoke and she was telling me that one of her friends at work told her that her H said something about one of the guys I sometimes work with at the Refinery was having an A. W's friend said "no way, he's not the kind of guy that would do that". I said to W, "did you tell her that ANYONE can do that, even people you don't think would?" Ok, probably shouldn't have said that, but amazingly, W said "yes I did".
So we were talking about that a bit and W made some interesting comments that just let me think she's figuring this out more and more. Some comments about "playing with fire" and "the devils playground" etc.
So we go back inside and wouldn't you know it, but the guy we were talking about walks in and grabs me around the neck. I couldn't believe it. W had never met this guy even though they work in the same location so I introduced them. We talked for a couple minutes and then he went and sat down. I kind of found it weird when I looked over to see a woman sitting there that he hadn't introduced his W to us. A bit later we went out to smoke again and when we came back in I got a better look at the woman and it wasn't his W. Surprise, surprise.
So a bit later, again we went out so W could smoke and they came walking out. They stopped and talked to us for a few minutes and this lady recognized W from work and said some things to her before they left.
After they left, W said she recognized her but wasn't sure what her name was, but she definitely worked at the Refinery. So there ya go.
We went home and sat on the deck until almost 11:00, just talking. We had some more interesting conversation about A's, etc. She really seems like she's figured it out. We went to bed and ML. Pretty darn hot if I do say so myself. When we were done, I broke down and told W "I love you" and she had this pained look on her face and just shook her head like "yes".
So...It seems like we're getting there. It seems like W is figuring it out. It seems like now she's dealing with the guilt, etc and doesn't know how to get past it.
I'm going to just keep being there, listening when she wants to talk and when the time is right, bring up those things that I think are still holding her back. I don't know, maybe that stupid glass, etc don't really trigger her anymore. Maybe a former wayward could clue me in if at some point those types of things just didn't have the meaning they once did, and it is in fact, "just a glass" to her now.
Talk to ya soon.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I broke down and told W "I love you" and she had this pained look on her face and just shook her head like "yes".
Well look at it this way....if she ever says it to you again you will know she means it!!!! It will be interesting how she reacts today after yoou said the "L" word to her.
Ya know Flynn, that's one thing I've thought recently. As much as I'd kill to hear her say it, it's a process she has to work through.
I've been keeping up on a thread on a different board (you know which one Flynn) and there's a discussion about how much more difficult it is for a marriage to be saved when it's a woman that is in a romantic affair. Most responses to that thread are that it takes a woman a LONG time to get over those feelings for OM because she was sure she was "in love with her soulmate". And even if she understands OM was just using her, they're still powerful feelings and it just is going to take time.
If it takes her more time, as things are going now, I can give her that time.
And to answer your question, she's been an IM'ing fool today, joking, talking about grilling tonight, stuff about the kids, our upcoming vacation. it's almost annoying......but I'll take it
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I think everyone likes to know that they are loved. Your W is no different. I am sorry that she couldn't bring herself to say it back but I hope that she will find it in her heart to say it soon.
She si probably happy as a lark though that you could say it!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
how much more difficult it is for a marriage to be saved when it's a woman that is in a romantic affair. Most responses to that thread are that it takes a woman a LONG time to get over those feelings for OM because she was sure she was "in love with her soulmate". And even if she understands OM was just using her, they're still powerful feelings and it just is going to take time.
THis is so true. You are a smart man to take this seriously. Also, extremely patient. You are quite a catch, and your W is beginning to realize it I think.
