Yay!!!!! Finally a new thread.

[25yearsmlc]

Just a slap?

My email regarding communication is going to be super straight forward.

I'll probably run it by here or by T before sending. It is too important.

This was our R. It is good to see it so clearly. I would be a cup half full, solution oriented person seeking rhythm and grown up interaction. H would act out until I lost my sh*t, fell apart, acted like a maniac, then he'd feel guilty and try to appease me, tell me what I wanted to hear...etc.

No, it is not ok. And, I intend to get help for me And stipulate in our agreement (that I am formulating in my mind to be discussed with L next week) that we both are in counseling individually with a pro who specializes in narcissism/personality disorders. He can fight me on that but well, you know where that'll end up.

I am getting much clearer and for now, biding time, for my sanity and the kids, I will ride the calm wave while it lasts, knowing that things change quickly over here in AK land.

H's mom is a drama queen, narcissist, enabler...God love her, she busted her a** to provide for her kids (note here on the "they'll figure it out"), H sure hasn't figured it out.

Or has he? Isn't it possible he is exactly like his dad and that terrifies him? b/c in times of crisis, we all revert to what we know, even when we know it's bad? (And he IS close to his mother despite/b/c of what??)

But back up, that statement about reverting to what we know, only gets the cycle broken when we replace the old bad unhealthy ways with Positive healthy ones...so you'll find OR CREATE that in your life and your kids will see it. So there won't be a "drama queen busting her ass" FOR THEM....but a woman raising her children to be kind, loving, smart ADULTS....and if one of them pulls something like THIS to their spouse, gee A/K, will you just sit there and tell their spouse to "TRY"?????? wth? No, you'll 'splain behind the woodshed...

I will do everything in my power to stop this cycle and that does not mean staying married. It means healthy parents for my kids. If it has to be just me, so be it but I think I have a lot of leverage to get H on board and an expert might be able to get somewhere with him. I would rather give up on the M (cuz I do think he'll come back, just relatively unchanged without help). If we completely split and each get help, that is worth it...

Forget the "leverage" you think you have, and prepare to raise them on your own. It may take awhile but there's a good chance he's going to disappear for long periods of time. Maybe you'll find OM to hang out with and maybe you'll introduce him to your kids someday and maybe they'll see HIM as a constant, like my ex sil has with her new h, b/c my idiot brother HAD to leave her to go find a war....no, he's not in the military....and he's a good son and a good brother. But he sucks as a h, and is a pleasant absentee father... My x sil is much happier now. NOT Saying you'll be ready for that soon or ever, but if you stay married to this non husband, you never will.... Sorry!!

don't know how the emoticons get there, I just know how they get inside the boxes, not outside....see, OMG I can't see outside the box!!
j-