Yay!!!!! Finally a new thread.

[25yearsmlc]

SLAP!!

Okay? Good. Now then, tell him communication will be vastly improved when he refrains from threats every time he doesn't get his way, or you don't respond within, what was it, 4 MINUTES? That his threats to "get ugly" ARE in themselves ugly. That they are stressful not b/c you fear losing the kids b/c you know you are a great mom but you fear the collateral damage to them, which he sooo wants to pretend is minimal, but which is NOT a priority to him in reality for it is EXACTLY why he told the kids that you bad mouthed the idea of having two places. He uses them to make himself the hero/victim and you the bad guy and he does NOT CARE about doing that, or that it's bad for them, except for the seconds it takes for him to wonder if he doesn't quite look as heroic as he thought everyone saw him as...

I actually read in a child's book that (ALMOST) sounded pro-divorce, ( I think that it was written with the idea of "okay it does suck but it's a done deal so now let's ONLY focus on the good stuff, like having extra toys!"...approach.
In that book it said something about being "lucky to have TWO ROOMS b/c some kids have to share only one"...blah blah blah puke!

I think you are grossly misreading something, or I am.[/b]...but Don't you dare look sad again in front of him. I don't care if you think that brings out the "best" in him, (WTH?????) YOU MEAN PITY?? and BTW, THAT DID NOT bring him HOME...remember?

You want to be miserable the rest of your life so he won't be a total bastard to you? Gee that's some trade off. IIs that some sort of "win" and if so, for whom? And what's that supposed to teach the kids? [b]Remember, you are the adult here. Don't worry A/K. THe kids will get it. Good lord, I know this based on so much experience with countless diovorce cases between me and a dozen or so attorneys and a hundred friends who've been thru this. THe kids figure it out and you don't even have to tell them. In fact, it's best you don't. Though Puppy will argue that point, at this age it's a moot point b/c they're so young. But in your h's case, I don't even care. He's a "jerk from jerktown" (and I promise I won't say that again if it hurts your ego or feelings. I'm sure he can be very charming...whateves...so was Ted Bundy and Charles Manson...seriously.)

Look, this stage of all the stages, possibly sucks the most...so This SUCKS...it is what it is.

BUT good for you telling your MIL she has no idea what he says or does to you or has put you through. Thank GOD you gave her a teaspoon of reality. SOMEONE HAS TO.... If you had gone on and on negatively spiraling about him, then that might have backfired. But you said it just right so that she knows, she doesn't know...and you didn't fill her in with all the gory details...perfect, all things considering...and if she asks him and he glosses over, he'll look even worse. She knows you are not the crazy one and she knows HE MOVED OUT OF HIS HOME AND LEFT HIS WIFE AND KIDS....come on, what's there to say?? IF you are secretly a murderous lunatic, why didn't he take the kids? Oh, oops, that blows that theory...

OH geez, A/K, I feel bad for you. So here...SIGH SIGH SIGH and STOMP STOMP STOMP, and let me add that I am sending prayers and positives to you A/K....just wish I could do more. HEY, try a little of that thought stopping stuff CG posted to Kevin if you haven't already. It helped me when my dad died, and when h was gone and i was obsessing about what/who/when etc. In truth, his fellowship was literally about an 18 hour day, plus his commute to a room he rented from a 77 y/o woman I MET....so in reality, I'm thinking he didn't get a lot of attention in that area that I feared, and he came home every other weekend. So much wasted negative spiraling, and I had NO CONTROL anyhow.. oh yeah!! we keep forgetting that...
Serenity prayer time....I'm sending it to you...
(( j ))