Finally trying to move on without H

[beepee]

hey everyone! im back from the interview.
i believed i kicked a$$! but i dont know if
its enough to get me hired. i kinda feel like
i didnt get it because the secretary said she was
going to push the director for a decision today
(i was the last person to be interviewed) because
he is going on vacation for 2 weeks in spain
TODAY. and the persons shoes i would be filling
is leaving in 2 weeks as well and she needs to hire
someone asap to train them in those 2 weeks.
so i didnt get a call today so im kinda positive
i didnt get the job. im pretty sure they made a
decision if they were that pushed to hire.
ah well, who knows. im gonna proceed as if i didnt
get it and continue applying for other jobs!
thats all i can really do at this point, just keep
trying!!

after that, i had a nice lunch with my best friend
and her boyfriend. after that i walked around town,
went window shopping, visited all the old places
i used to have to much fun at and reminisced for a bit.
got almost teary-eyed because i walked by the street
that my H and i used to have an apt at. but i controlled
my emotions and continued to walk around and try to get
the happy feeling back and just enjoy breathing air
and trying to see how beautiful life is, trying to get
back the feeling of being alive. it made me sad tho
cause i couldnt get the feeling back. all i thought
about was how i might bump into the H as hes in the same
city. sigh. but it was fine, i enjoyed getting out of
the house for the day. my feet are killing now from
all the walking. so i took the train back with my friend
and we talked and laughed about the old days. it was
nice to have her there. i didnt feel so bad afterwards.

now im deciding whether or not to go out to that party.
i dont feel particularly pretty, my mood has gone way
down since this morning. but i feel like if i just go out,
i might feel better. but im scared to go out and socialize.
i havent done it in so long that im terrified of just
sitting there in a corner in the dark. but i have an hour
to decide..we'll see how i feel..