She wants to be pursued. She wants to be aggressively flirted with. She wants to feel sexy and wanted. She wants to let go of responsibility and let a man lead her.
It has frustrated me to no end for some months now, because I can see this. I feel it. But I can't become that for her.
Not because of me. I've tried (although maybe I can try harder, more, again, etc.). Each time is received with a stiff emotional forearm - disgust, unhappiness, "Don't do that, I don't want that from you! I don't feel that way about you! Don't pressure me that way!"
And she is escaping into, perhaps not teen years, but who she was before marriage -- her youthful, sexy, dating self. Yes, that is a very attractive place to escape to when real life is stressful, boring, unhappy.
But knowing this still doesn't solve the problem. And that's what's so difficult about it. Yes, you are completely right. But how do you get her out of it? How to you make her want the life she has chosen and built for herself?
I wish I knew the answer.
I can tell you that I believe chasing after men (which is the same as letting them chase you) leads to heart-break, and more unhappiness, but it's a long, slow process to get there. I know you don't want to wait around for that. I disagree to a certain extent with Dr. Phil. While a woman can end up raped or abused by flirting with other men (just as athletes can end up shot and killed by a woman for cheating), that is not the norm. More likely, she will be seduced and then dumped. Maybe you consider that abuse. But it is generally considered normal behavior in the dating scene. That is one of the reasons we all got married in the first place. To stop playing that game.
Unfortunately, she is into the game. She will need to make a mature choice to choose her life, her family, her home. If she doesn't choose it, there will be consequences. She will have to support herself to a larger extent than she does now, she will lose her free time, and she will see her kids only 1/2 the time.
The question is, do you want to force that choice now, or wait until after Retrouvaille?
