So it begins to get over my wife

[MrBond]

"as i enabled a codependent R to continue as i didn't have a clue it was happening. that enabled her to do alot of the things she did and not take responsibility for them, and she STILL HASN't to a large extent."

This doesn't sound like accepting responsibility. What specific issues did she have with you? Did you have a temper? Spend lots of money, etc. Those kinds of issues.

I think if you can look at your flaws and hers and come to some kind of understanding it'll help give you compassion and clarity. If you don't have the compassion (the ability to understand what she's going through by being in her shoes) for her any more (which is what really sustains a M) then it's not going to work long-term.

I don't know what gucci's take is on this because he's spent alot of time telling you how to bring her back but without any emotion tied to it. That seems to be what you're struggling with.

AAK is right. Emotions come and go. Just start with going into meeting her with no expectations. Maybe you need to go into it completely neutral and see if after the talk if it's worth a shot.

Good luck to you.