I'm not sure. It's always dangerous to try to diagnose someone else. There was an article in Phychology Today that brings up just this point.
But that being said...
I think it is a reaction to the stress she has been under in the past years. - Father Died - 3 small kids - New house, town, friends - Mother has cancer, now terminal - Stressful home remodeling - Husband (me) working long hours and traveling - Stress about aging and her stalled career
I think she has regressed to wanting to be a teenager again. She is acting like the stories I heard about her from the high school and early college years - non-thinking, impulsive, overly trusting, irresponsible.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I'm not sure. It's always dangerous to try to diagnose someone else. There was an article in Phychology Today that brings up just this point.
But that being said...
I think it is a reaction to the stress she has been under in the past years. - Father Died - 3 small kids - New house, town, friends - Mother has cancer, now terminal - Stressful home remodeling - Husband (me) working long hours and traveling - Stress about aging and her stalled career
I think she has regressed to wanting to be a teenager again. She is acting like the stories I heard about her from the high school and early college years - non-thinking, impulsive, overly trusting, irresponsible.
Of course I can't diagnose. It seems obvious she is depressed though.
She is confused and needy and looking for something that she has missed from you. Don't lose sight at this point. Something was missing for her - as FABULOUS as you are and have been. Would be worth it to know what that is.
I have been thinking a lot about this Greek. In fact I saw this a while ago, but haven't been able to crack it.
She wants to be pursued. She wants to be aggressively flirted with. She wants to feel sexy and wanted. She wants to let go of responsibility and let a man lead her.
It has frustrated me to no end for some months now, because I can see this. I feel it. But I can't become that for her.
Not because of me. I've tried (although maybe I can try harder, more, again, etc.). Each time is received with a stiff emotional forearm - disgust, unhappiness, "Don't do that, I don't want that from you! I don't feel that way about you! Don't pressure me that way!"
So for a while now, I have just backed off and let her alone.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Maybe she just likes the attention not the reality of M and life with kids. Seems like a symptom to me. I used to fantasize about other men a lot. I never did anything about it and never would have but flirting, getting attention, that felt good.
Maybe she just likes the attention not the reality of M and life with kids. Seems like a symptom to me. I used to fantasize about other men a lot. I never did anything about it and never would have but flirting, getting attention, that felt good.
Most likely my sitch. W even admits she wants to be a family but doesn't want to be married. Like she wants an escape.
Unfortunately, I don't know the Rx. She doesn't want my attention and I'm not going to give it to her.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Honestly, during much of our M, I never really flirted with her. I was too busy working - working at my job, working on the house, etc.
I can guess now that she really missed it and wanted it - but had no ability to ask.
This is why Kalni's post on SP's thread earlier today struck me. The worst thing I did for most of our M was to just leave her alone - ignore her much of the time while I was working.
One of her retorts 2 days ago when I confronted her with her texts was to say "Well, you cheated on me for years - with your work". She was definitely jealous of the attention and time I put into my work.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Thinker ~ I agree with A&K....about Mrs. Thinker battling her own demons. Who doesn't, really?
But trust ME on this - the other piece is the M you and Mrs. Thinker made together. That would be the things she did and the things she didn't say. That would be the things you did and didn't do. That would be all of the junk under the rug that finally tripped y'all up.
It's not JUST hormones or postpartum or depression or selfishness or any other "hook" to hang this on. It's two people who love each other but stopped loving (action verb) each other. The fall out of that is ... well... that's why we're all here.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
