Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Since you have both committed to Retro, might she AT LEAST commit to a "truce", including no outside contacts of that nature, until after then? If not, why not? If she can't live without her little textbuddies for a couple of months, she's got WAY bigger personal emotional problems than anything related to your marriage

What really angers me is that we discussed exactly that truce at C 2 days ago. The C proposed it and she agreed.

.....

Dude, I dunno. If it was me and I could, I'd yank her phone and email. NOT saying that's good advice, but ....

Phone is in her name, and she pays for it with the consulting work she does. (I just happen to know her password...) I can't really yank it.

Besides, that is like being a father trying to control and out of control teenager. That is in no-way the R I want. I want to be married to someone with self control.

The other option is to call a personal truce. Don't ask don't tell, unilaterally, by yourself for yourself, until after Retro. (I know it's not a magic bullet, but a lot of couples sure seem to be able to turn their marriages around with what they learned there.) Then see where you both are, and yes, snoop if necessary to know you're making a decision based on all the facts.

At least you won't be constantly torturing yourself with fresh hells of data in the interim. And all options will still be yours.

This is what I am considering. Worst thing that can happen is she gets so involved that she goes into Retro fully in the depths of a new EA and it is all for naught. Best that can happen is she drops it herself and goes into Retro with a freshly open mind.

Either way I want to know what is going on. I don't want to be deluding myself.

Sucks however you look at it, though .....

(((thinker)))

yep

Thanks. I appreciate the support.