I dont know your full situation but if you are seperated, you may want to get legal help with support many of these guys will NOT live up to their end of any responsibility..it doesnt matter than you are right and they need to help, many will NOT peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
What is the best way to find legal help? I've tried googling "divorce lawyers" but I get so many hits I don't even know where to start...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
On unrelated GAL-ing news for me - I received my final GMAT scores from last weekend and submitted my application to local university for the MBA program...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
H wants to sit down and budget together when he gets back from his training...
I sent him a spreadsheet for what he owes me from household bills. I told him I'm purposefully not including "mine" and "his". But he is worried about not having enough money to "live".
This is what I emailed to him along with the spreadsheet:
Here is the prelim spreadsheet... just based on stuff that has come out of my bank accounts so far. I have more at home in regards to pending bills, like *electric company* and next month's Cox bill.
Some things to consider: *electric* and *gas* should even out a bit now that we have the AC problem taken care of. I will call Cox and cancel the internet access this month so that will reduce the future bills by around $20 per person ADT stopped charging my old card (the one that was replaced by OFCU) and didn't notify me until last week. We're back on track now with them charging my new card on a monthly basis. *trash collection* is a quarterly payment I didn't include any of "my" bills or "your" bills, I figure it's our own responsibility at this point to budget for our own stuff, while making sure the household needs are met first. I'm also not including groceries or anything that I buy for DD or the baby, since you feed DD too and I'm sure you'll be more than happy to pick up some diapers and formula once in a while... (well, about as happy as I am...) I know today is payday, so if you have any money you can throw my way, please do... I know the end of the month with the mortgage is going to come up really fast.
Is it fair to tell him that:
A) What my "personal" bills are, my income, and my savings - are none of his business unless he should decide to become part of the family again. B) The girls and I should not have to sacrifice, and I should not have to work to subsidize H's new "single" life.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Hi DMK127, I was sort of told to check you out....I was told we have very similiar lives....and will agree, we do have scary similarities.
Not sure if my H is a true MLCer as much as he's just sort of selfish, LOL!! I have seen strong MLC traits and then, not so much. Hard to say, who knows?
But how are you feeling? Due date is less than one month!! Very exciting for you.
Sounds to me like your H loves you, you were just annoying the he!! out of him! I say this because I can relate....I was pretty annoying before the bomb too.
I've read your story too, and I think you, and me, and HVA have a lot in common Your story makes me happy because it seems to be going pretty well, and I want to visit your fortuneteller...
Yeah, my H is being pretty selfish right now too, but you can't tell him that! of COURSE it's a good idea to move out of your home that you JUST BOUGHT with your PREGNANT wife and toddler
I'm doing pretty good overall, I just had to explain to my therapist that my PMA doesn't mean I'm not feeling or ignoring my anger, sadness, etc... just not dwelling on it too much!
It's a beautiful day here, and I have a fun weekend to look forward to...
Last edited by dmk127; 07/17/0908:51 PM.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Sounds to me like your H loves you, you were just annoying the he!! out of him! I say this because I can relate....I was pretty annoying before the bomb too.
Sometimes I hope too, that he'll wake up and see that I've been standing here, being strong and solid and patient - instead of annoying the hell out of him like I was before - and remind himself of what a kick-a$$ partner I am.
And if not, oh well...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Well keep in mind that he has to believe the changes are permanent. For me and H.....it's a chicken/egg question....did I start to annoy him with my endless b***hing, or did he start to spend more time out of the house first, hence the endless b***hing? Either way, he started to spend more time out, I started to complain and nag more, then he'd be out even more, then more nagging....and it just got more and more vicious. Amazing to look back with all of the knowledge I have now....I should have just shut up and changed things with actions and not endless complaining and being critical....hmmmm. But, once your H sees you are serious about the new you, that you like you and you plan to keep this you around, he'll be happy about those changes too, THEN hopefully work on himself. At the right time, you have to remind him, he makes him happy, not you. You can help, but ultimately, he's got the make the happy in him first.
Just be the person you like and the wife all of his friends will tell him he's crazy to ever leave.
You CAN do this. Sounds like he doesn't want to leave, he just wants some changes. And I'm cool with my H wanting positive changes from me too. If he wanted me to do stupid things we'd both be screwed, but what my H wants is reasonable, any person would want a happy marriage with someone positive and happy. So I'm good with it. I benefit too.
Last night I went to a party, and one of my guy friends offered to shank H if needed. He also told me that I was like this strong, improved version of myself that he'd only heard about from ages ago...
That felt pretty good to hear Everybody is still amazed that I'm doing fine...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
ohh, he offered to shank your husband? I'm assuming you declined the offer?
I know your friends are mad at him, but try to keep it quiet. I know it's hard....my H is living on the golf course where we both socialize a lot and you're pregnant and he moved out, but I've learned that if I don't get into it with folks....for example "i can't believe he is dumb enough to leave you!!" I say "It's a spot, but we're working on things for us. We'll be ok." I keep it vague while acknowledging it sucks but not putting blame on him. I know that as stuff like that got back to my H it shocked him and now I think it's making things easier that I wasn't this crazy angry woman to our friends and people we just sort of know.....know what I mean?
Yeah I want to kick your H too, but try to stop other people from passing judgment....I think you'll be glad in the end when you two reconcile.
