Sounded like you might have pushed it a little too far. Sounded like she was sincere and maybe you should have listened to her at that time when she really wanted to. Kind of like playing poker.
Just my 2cents. Although the gooch would say it's weak.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
so W calls twice today while i'm at the bank. leaves a message the second time about how i should check the dogs ears for ear mites as one of hers has them. i waited til i got out of the bank and called her back.
she asked how the dogs were doing and i said really good. she said she wants to come pick the chihuahua up this week and asked when. she said she'd let me know ahead of time.
she wasn't exactly friendly, rather cautious? idk how to best explain it. i was upbeat and the usual. i was on the phone for maybe two minutes with her and said i'm gonna get going when she said that was what she wanted to tell me.
well, she did call so i guess that's a good thing? idk, at least she called. she's still thinking about me i gotta get ready for work, just wanted to make a quick update for today.
W sent a picture of the dog with the broken leg about 45 mins ago. she then tried calling 15 mins ago. no response and no answer. i'm back on the horse!
sandi, if you come across this post, would you take a second and give any insights you have? it'd be much appreciated. gucci, too.
Josh, I tried to warn you about her bag of tricks. God may have given men more physical body strength than women.....but trust me.....the female has her advantages!!!
Your young W has soooo much to learn and she will have to get through all her game playing before she is going to humble herself to "start" learning. She hasn't even begun yet b/c she is so sure she can get you back with her throwing you a bone.....just as if "you" were the pet! She needs to discover that you are not a dog that will do tricks at her commands. She needs to wake up & grow up and decide she wants to act like a W to you instead of some silly high school teenager. She's not at that place...yet. You are older and you have to be the stronger person. If you let her use her gimmicks on you and fall for her dramatic schemes then you will not accomplish your goals.
Yes, you've had a setback, but I think you can quickly regain your stand again. Keep your eye on the goal and remember what she is capable of doing and how easily it is for you to get sucked into feeling sorry for her. IMHO, I think you should stop telling her you are "sorry she feels that way" about something b/c it is a sinker. She throws out a line.....you bite, and she pulls you in.....hook, line, & sinker!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
through a bit of careful strategy, i have the W coming up here on wednesday to do what SHE had planned for this last tuesday. i was a bit sneaky today, and got her to want to come up.
but now i have a problem. after talking to my close female friend, i really do believe i am over my W. maybe not mentally, but i think my heart is really over her. i put forth all my effort into the R we had, and she was still able to pick up and leave. i've talked about before wanting answers to why she did it, but i really don't care now.
the only thing that is even wanting to see if something is still there is the thought that i completely invested myself in her for 2 years. in the realm of things it's not that long, but i completely gave 100% to the R we had. i don't think i have anything more to give, besides how i've changed my thought process on codependency and passive aggressive behavior and how to handle it. but really, otherwise i completely gave myself to her. and it wasn't enough.
that's not my fault. i tried so hard when we together, but it was just me trying. and now that we're apart, she's STILL NOT TRYING. why do i want that again? that's the thing, i don't!
Her coming up this Wednesday isn't even about rekindling some spark or hopes of getting back together. it's for me to really see how i feel about her. last time she was here, it was like being in the room with a stranger. i should have been all giddy and excited like she said SHE was when she came over. i didn't feel anything like that.
when she comes wednesday, i'm just going to look at how i feel, how i feel about her, how i feel about having her around me. I've lost a lot of the feelings i've had for her, and i can't think of what it is going to be that would bring them back.
wednesday is just for me. not to even see how she feels or what she is thinking. it is for me to see if this is even what i want. i hope everyone here can understand that.
It's understandable. Especially when you started playing around with her (figuratively speaking) she no longer became your W, but a pawn. So there was no emotion.
Going back to your original posts, you mentioned all the things your W had done. Was there anything that she told you that she had problems with as her reason for leaving? You're going to have to think hard and pick up any little things she might have mentioned. Were they valid points? If you don't believe so and don't think you need to change anything, then you're going to have to give her up now because it's going to happen again.
That's what happens when you detach too much and why DR puts so much emphasis on working on yourself first. It then becomes a matter of whether or not you really want them back. Everyone makes mistakes it just depends on whether or not you're willing to forgive her for hers. That's why before I think I mentioned that it's going to be twice as hard to work on the M when she's back.
Even by just saying "I'll give it a shot", it's a way to rebuild.
You are going to have to realize that you may never get her to explain why she did the things she did. If you can let that go and start off with a clean slate, then I think you've got a chance at making it work.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It's just a guess, but I think there may be quite a bit of interest in this OW. Maybe even something happened. The quickest way to develop detachment and "not wanting her back" is to get interest in someone else. Is that the case. It's reasonable to look at your wife with wide open eyes and the rose-colored glasses removed.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
through a bit of careful strategy, i have the W coming up here on wednesday to do what SHE had planned for this last tuesday. i was a bit sneaky today, and got her to want to come up.
but now i have a problem. after talking to my close female friend, i really do believe i am over my W. maybe not mentally, but i think my heart is really over her. i put forth all my effort into the R we had, and she was still able to pick up and leave. i've talked about before wanting answers to why she did it, but i really don't care now.
the only thing that is even wanting to see if something is still there is the thought that i completely invested myself in her for 2 years. in the realm of things it's not that long, but i completely gave 100% to the R we had. i don't think i have anything more to give, besides how i've changed my thought process on codependency and passive aggressive behavior and how to handle it. but really, otherwise i completely gave myself to her. and it wasn't enough.
that's not my fault. i tried so hard when we together, but it was just me trying. and now that we're apart, she's STILL NOT TRYING. why do i want that again? that's the thing, i don't!
Her coming up this Wednesday isn't even about rekindling some spark or hopes of getting back together. it's for me to really see how i feel about her. last time she was here, it was like being in the room with a stranger. i should have been all giddy and excited like she said SHE was when she came over. i didn't feel anything like that.
when she comes wednesday, i'm just going to look at how i feel, how i feel about her, how i feel about having her around me. I've lost a lot of the feelings i've had for her, and i can't think of what it is going to be that would bring them back.
wednesday is just for me. not to even see how she feels or what she is thinking. it is for me to see if this is even what i want. i hope everyone here can understand that.
Feelings come and go. Now that you have detached some, just own whether you want this or not. To me, she just sounds too young.
Your assessment seems to be that you had no fault and it was all her.
I'm not sure you're going to end up with better and that was wife #2, yes? Unless you really do something different.
Forgive my attitude. I'm in a bad mood...feel like being direct.
i gotta get ready for work, just wanted to make a quick update for today.