Still, in so many ways, I am sad that there has been so much wasted time when we could've been having a wonderful M, and instead, there has been all this sadness and 'what ifs'.
I was actually refering to what you had said...
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My question to you would be --- do you love him with the love you had when you first met?
Yes! but there is a but! If I think about the mess he made and the mess we still have to get thru I can get very angry. So I stuff it deep inside, and along with suppressing my anger I also bury those happy emotions. The love is still there, but I am afraid to let it out for fear that the gusher will drown H and send him back down stream!
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Do you see the person inside of him that is the core of who he is and love that?
Yes again. At least I am seeing the person that I knew and grew to love when we met and for our first 10 years together. I see more and more glimpses of the H I know and love yet there is so much still lacking.
I too have been living with a friend. It makes my life easier to have H in my life as long I keep the bad feelings and emotions at bay. I am still waiting for ....?? the fairy tale to come back? I don't know if we'll ever get all the way to where I need and want my R with a man to be. I had it before, and while I have been pretty patient for this long I won't settle for less than what I know is there.
I am glad for you to have a best friend in your life for now. Perhaps that is what you need most at this point while you focus on your health. Best friend R long term is better than bursts of passion but shouldn't we ask for it all?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
