Well, wow. So sorry for all the hurt you and your family are feeling.
You do recognize the cycle of destruction that you and your H have with each other. That's good!
There are patterns you both have where you turn outside the M to fill your needs or find comfort or excitement. IMO that's where you each need to start fixing your problems. M is a commitment to each other yet it doesn't seem like either of you take that serious enough currently or in the past to find the 'sweet' spot of being M to stay M.
Your H is posting here too or just visiting? are you hoping he will see your thread here? There has been H and W that have posted here... usually after the M is back on track.
My H and I had plenty of problems for an amount of time before we had a physical altercation and that's when I finally searched and found this site. This is a great place for help but it cannot keep you physically safe. For many that is a dealbreaker if it gets physical. Take some time and get your head aired out before you get bruised or make bruises physically too.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
