So, now you are learning what things made your h unhappy with the marriage. Good.
I am sure there were things that made you unhappy, too. So, now you need to take all the info and make the changes.
While I know, ultimately, we are all here with the hope of saving our marriages, this really is a way of living your life the best way you can.
But, you can only do the work you need to do on you. He has to begin to look inside himself and do what he needs to do and you cannot do it for him.
So, own the stuff that's yours. Let him own his. I am glad you two are not going around in circles about whether he cheated or not. You and he both know the answer to that. No need to beat a dead horse.
You need to let that go because it will keep feeding the anger.
Remember that there is no quick fix to this. The EA was a symptom of other issues that need dealing with.
But, I think you are getting a good handle of the stuff that needs fixin' for you.
