Divorce not busted

[pigskin]

Thanks for the feedback. Can I ask what your impression of the weekend was? I am putting a lot of hope into this weekend. I know it isn't a magic cure, but hopefully it will put a seed in my wife's head that the r is worth saving.

It is very powerful and emotional. It's all focused on one-on-one interactions between the spouses to foster communication and bring you closer through sharing your feelings with each other--no group sharing other than the presenting couples. It is not for solving your problems; the two of you are responsible for that. It provides the techniques by which you can work on what is hurting your marriage.

You will hear the stories of couples who went through various levels of marital hell (some quite disturbing) and pulled out of it, which is encouraging. It differs from counseling in that counseling can sometimes seem to be focused on how you can still be fine after divorce, which is true for many, but you want to see people who came back from the brink and use them as a model if you are interested in saving your marriage. I think sometimes people look for reassurance from those who experienced divorce and are getting along fine, but that is not your model if you are actively working on saving what you have.

The overall message is that love is a decision, not a feeling. And that perseverance in the face of utter hopelessness CAN pay off. Never give up.

The most moving thing to me was the genuine concern of total strangers to help other total strangers. The people involved in the program are saints. They truly are. They come from all faiths (or lack thereof) and walks of life. They don't care who you are or whether you believe in God or not. They want one thing - to help save your marriage.

There is no preaching about how you can't/shouldn't get divorced. There's no guilt laid on you. It's all about moving forward and working on saving your marriage, since (ideally) that is what you are there for, and you are there by your own decision.

I'd recommend it to every married couple, happily married or not. They say that 80% of those who go through the ENTIRE program (including all post sessions) are married 5 years later. But that drops to 50% for those who skipped doing the post sessions. And some attendees are already separated or divorced.

I'll happily answer other questions about it if you have them, although the program does have a kind of non-disclosure request from those who have attended. They don't want people to have any prep or preconceived notion of the details that go on there.