I feel compelled to 2day to actually open a thread to journal and keep me focused. You can read my sig thread to see my sitch. Now I haven't posted a lot over the past year. Mainly when I've needed extra help and occasionally to pass along some advice.
I am now at the 1 year mark from the beginning the DB process. And I will attest to its success in my M. As well in some friends.
My M is on the mend and my FWAH is learning how we slipped into this mess and is/has taken responsibility for his part of it.
I suppose there are 2 reasons I decided to post today.
1) As my title might indicate, I feel like I am balancing my life on the head of a pin, in relation to my M. I am still afraid of trusting FWAH 100% yet I don't want him to see me as afraid. I've wavered from my GAL a bit but now see I need to get back to it. I wonder if I don't GAL, will my FWAH Walk again? Or worse? It is a balancing act.
2) My bff has separated from her H (for very good reasons that I totally understand). Not only do I have a hard time NOT putting myself in the place of her H and wondering if I was as selfish to my FWAH as her H was, but she has dropped a bomb on me that pulls the bandaid back off of my first DDay. Betrayal and Infidelity are the WORST of any kind of pain, be it a spouse, a best friend or family member.
So I wonder sometimes, "does everyone else get to screw around in there marraige but me?" What is wrong with me? Did I miss that part of the agreement? Maybe I'm just not good enough for someone else to want to risk screwing around with me? I realize this smacks in the face of DB'ing but sheesh..... Do I ever get to cash in this "get-out-of-jail-free" card?
I digress, I guess my thought is, that not only is it time for me to post and share my experience with others but its also time to stay connected to others here to help me refocus and "not slip off the pin head".
