@aliveandkicking wrote, "You are very hard on yourself," and that's a point that I think doesn't get made nearly often enough, so mad props to her for that. Among the toughest lessons for me was that one -- there's a very important difference, IMO, between "taking responsibility" and/or "taking ownership" of your role in the breakdown of the marriage and blaming yourself. Blame isn't constructive; responsibility, ownership, leadership are.
Amen. When aak wrote that I don't know why, but I was taken aback that it showed. But it does show; it shows through.I struggle with that, I push back on it more and more, lately. More to the point, I find that if I can be aware when it happens - witness it, if you will - that stops it in its tracks for that moment. No struggle needed, really. Just growing awareness.
Originally Posted By: SmileysPerson
Our colleague then wrote, "I keep thinking that if I was evolved enough, I could get through this without so much pain."Here I will, in all affection, disagree with her. I would submit to you that, in fact, the more evolved you are, the more pain you would feel, because the deeper your appreciation for the situation, the implications, and the causality would be.
Agreed. Lately I've thought of something I would tell my kids growing up, "pain becomes suffering when you don't accept it." My (self-inflicted) suffering is ending as I accept -and feel - the very deep pain of having lost my dear friend. And, more to the point, making her think she had lost me.
Originally Posted By: SmileysPerson
And then she wrote, "I think you can trust yourself more and accept that you are human."Trusting ourselves. A seldom-discussed topic hereabouts.
Yep. Everything aak wrote rattled around in my head and gave me pause. I must go back and thank her (Thank you, aak!)
And thank you, SP.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
