Finally trying to move on without H

[mdoodles]

cant hurt to have it in writing that u are asking for the money he said he would send....

[Virtually_Handsome]

Arrrrrrrgh!

If you email him, you are going to torment yourself waiting for a response.

At least wait until after the interview. You don't need that going through your head.

[beepee]

VH:
im sorry to have angered you!!! i understand your frustration with me but im learning!!

i wasnt going to email him right away. i was just wondering if it was something ok to do in the next while. i definitely dont need that going thru my head right now. i was thinking of emailing and asking him sometime next week, maybe at the end of next week. and because, well, i need the money and he promised it. i shouldnt have to pay for his bills by myself when i dont have a job and he has more money than i do. ill think about it next week. if i dont get any money by the end of next week, ill email him and ask if he had sent it or is going to send it.. i think thats a reasonable request.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((beepee)))))

It wasn't all anger at you... some of it is frustration that your living situation can make it that much harder to deal with your personal situation. But, that's life, isn't it!

Let's just let the idea of contacting him about the money simmer for a while. Maybe you won't have to do anything. I'd like to think about it some more.

You, start getting positive thoughts going through your head! Remember that you have qualities they want! You can do the job! They didn't ask you to interview to waste their time, they are really interested.

[beepee]

VH:
thanks for the inspiration and encouragement, ive been practicing questions for the past few hours and im getting sleepy hehe. i have to get up at 6 in the morning to catch a 730 train that takes 2 hours to get to the city and then catch the subway to a specific bus and catch the bus to the building!! im gonna be tired when i get to the interview!! hehe

my living situation right now is horrible and it definitely doesnt help me in dealing with all my personal issues. money, living with family, not knowing how to drive, finding an apt with bad credit etc etc but as you said, thats life and the tougher everything is, the stronger ill be when i come out of all this madness!

as for the money, i wont email him. ill forget about it and if you have any suggestions, please do let me know! you know i need all the advice i can get as im just learning and even though im an advocate for making mistakes and learning from them, id like to limit my mistakes when it comes to trying to get my M back!!

[beepee]

ok. been up since 5am getting ready for the interview. everythings great except for my horrible anxiety which is causing me to wretch constantly i hope this stops soon.

i feel so uncomfortable because of all the weight ive gained but i just have to get thru and pretend to be confident and i just might be if i just force myself to pretend! i just wanna go in and scream, LOOK! im going through a horrible separation that is going to end in divorce!! I HAVE MORE MOTIVATION THAN EVER TO ACHEIVE AND YOU WONT REGRET IT IF YOU HIRE ME!! BAM! thats it.

will be back to keep you guys updated as to whether or not my life is going to change have a great day everyone!

[givingitmyall]

Good morning beepee. No matter what happens, today is going to be a great day.

Take a deep breath. You are going to be great in your interview. Convince yourself of this before you go, and then it WILL happen. And if this is not the right place for you, another opportunity WILL present itself.

but i just have to get thru and pretend to be confident and i just might be if i just force myself to pretend

Time to be strong. Don't pretend, BE and DO. You ARE confident.

Good luck - you will be great.

[mishka422]

Good luck today! Come back and let us know how it went!

[beepee]

hey everyone! im back from the interview.
i believed i kicked a$$! but i dont know if
its enough to get me hired. i kinda feel like
i didnt get it because the secretary said she was
going to push the director for a decision today
(i was the last person to be interviewed) because
he is going on vacation for 2 weeks in spain
TODAY. and the persons shoes i would be filling
is leaving in 2 weeks as well and she needs to hire
someone asap to train them in those 2 weeks.
so i didnt get a call today so im kinda positive
i didnt get the job. im pretty sure they made a
decision if they were that pushed to hire.
ah well, who knows. im gonna proceed as if i didnt
get it and continue applying for other jobs!
thats all i can really do at this point, just keep
trying!!

after that, i had a nice lunch with my best friend
and her boyfriend. after that i walked around town,
went window shopping, visited all the old places
i used to have to much fun at and reminisced for a bit.
got almost teary-eyed because i walked by the street
that my H and i used to have an apt at. but i controlled
my emotions and continued to walk around and try to get
the happy feeling back and just enjoy breathing air
and trying to see how beautiful life is, trying to get
back the feeling of being alive. it made me sad tho
cause i couldnt get the feeling back. all i thought
about was how i might bump into the H as hes in the same
city. sigh. but it was fine, i enjoyed getting out of
the house for the day. my feet are killing now from
all the walking. so i took the train back with my friend
and we talked and laughed about the old days. it was
nice to have her there. i didnt feel so bad afterwards.

now im deciding whether or not to go out to that party.
i dont feel particularly pretty, my mood has gone way
down since this morning. but i feel like if i just go out,
i might feel better. but im scared to go out and socialize.
i havent done it in so long that im terrified of just
sitting there in a corner in the dark. but i have an hour
to decide..we'll see how i feel..

[The Wifey]

OH PLEASE, please tell me you went to that party beepee. I sure hope you did.

I notice a pattern here. You start to feel good and then you talk yourself out of it. Two steps forward and three steps back is no way to get anywhere.

It is great that you were in the moment when you were in the city. Walking around, seeing sights, laughing on the train on the way back.

Roll with it.

As I used to see way back when I started here, imagine that the sad/depressed state is similar to putting your hand on a hot stove. You know you will get burned if you touch a hot stove. Don't purposely burn yourself. Don't touch. Visualize it.

I hope you went and had a good time. It doesn't matter if you were pretty enough, you are your harshest critic, or if you were scared. Going out and seeing it isn't as bad as you imagine will help you not to be scared.