First, happy birthday man. Sent you a msg in the alt world, but it was from my blackberry, and I'm not sure it posted to the right area. Do something fun for yourself today.
Second, I'm going to use some advice you have given me. These could be, COULD BE, good signs. It may be a good sign she is apparently slowing down the process. Maybe she has seen something in you. Maybe she has begun to doubt her decision. Maybe she just isn't in a hurry. No way to know. Only way to find out is to keep fighting and see where it goes.
I will do something fun today. And maybe tonight's ice cream with my wife will be fun, too. Or nice. Or at least not eggshells a la mode Going to a BBQ tomorrow with new hiking friends.
Watched Jim Carrey's Yes Man last night. Boy were there parts of that I needed to see? Um...YES!
Last edited by Gardener; 07/17/0912:57 PM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Yo, G-dawg! Smiley's Person in the hizzie! They say it's yer birthday! Yee-haw!
@aliveandkicking wrote, "You are very hard on yourself," and that's a point that I think doesn't get made nearly often enough, so mad props to her for that. Among the toughest lessons for me was that one -- there's a very important difference, IMO, between "taking responsibility" and/or "taking ownership" of your role in the breakdown of the marriage and blaming yourself. Blame isn't constructive; responsibility, ownership, leadership are.
Our colleague then wrote, "I keep thinking that if I was evolved enough, I could get through this without so much pain."
Here I will, in all affection, disagree with her. I would submit to you that, in fact, the more evolved you are, the more pain you would feel, because the deeper your appreciation for the situation, the implications, and the causality would be.
From my POV that's the purpose of evolving as a person, to grow in one's ability to see and embrace the pain -- and the pleasures -- that life offers. I mean, Obi-Wan had to sit down when the Grand Moff Tarkin ordered the Death Star to destroy Alderaan, right? And Obi-Wan was nothing if not evolved!
And then she wrote, "I think you can trust yourself more and accept that you are human."
As my Iraqi friend says, when he is struggling for the words b'il-ingilizee, "This is a very important...ah...importance."
Trusting ourselves. A seldom-discussed topic hereabouts.
When we start to cope, to adapt, to accept -- oh, that all-important acceptance -- the Brutal Reality of our situation, there is a temptation to distrust or mistrust the growth. But, but, but -- what if this pushes her/him away?@Traveldane struggled mightily with this one in her thread, in re: moving away from WAH. But it's a key to the process, methinks. You have to trust that what you do as you to make you survive for you -- that it's the right thing, no matter what the unforeseeable downstream consequences.
You've been on a twisting road, my friend, and it doesn't appear that the curves are coming any less frequently. Keep your eyes up, right? As the very large and loud and scary fellow in the Smokey-the-Bear hat was fond of saying, "Ain't no point in looking down; ain't no discharge on the ground."
Happy Birthday sweetie! You sound much better now. Sorry I wasn't around for a couple of days. Appreciate you checking in on me.
I discovered when I was scanning over the DR book again that it might do us all good to go back over it from time to time. Just helps to have that "refresher course".
Glad your W is giving some more time before acting on anything just yet. I will keep praying that there will be a change for the better. I liked that advise you received about if you look for better....you'll find it. Keep that thought.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Happy Birthday Gardener! What is it about Ice Cream and birthdays? Who wrote the rule about that?
Thank you, mac-ct. Don't know about the ice cream origin, but a Cold Stone Creamery visit with my bride tonight sounds mighty good, right about now. I will catch up on your sitch soon (so many DBers, so little time!).
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Lets just see where the flow takes us.
Yep. Good word for it, right now - flow. And tonight I'm going to try to just go with it. Your phrasing evoked images of lazily floating down Boulder (CO) Creek in a truck inner tube several years back with my wife and daughter a'floatin' nearby. Let the current be. A good image for me today. Today, I float on.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Enjoy tonight! I'll toast you at my local tonight (W will be there).
You honor me, sir. I hope you and your wife have a good time together tonight. Apologies to Smiley, but doesn't the brew just fall straight outta the glass down there?
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Where do I send the cheque :-)
Tell ya what: use it to buy some rounds tonight!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Then at one point on the ride home I just looked to the passenger side of my truck and got one of those moments down in my marrow: "You're not there. You're not here."
This was from a few days ago, but it stood out to me. You also mentioned feeling the reality of sitch. I've tried to do that myself recently. Accept that the pain is there for a reason though I may not know what that reason is.
