I did finally get in touch with H, he kept telling me not to worry and not to come down. Eventually I did go anyway. She was there when I arrived but stood up looking at the floor and left when she saw me. I did not say a word to her. I got updated on all the tests and things. H kept saying he was really glad I was there, and hugged me a lot and held onto my hand and talked. He said he didnt want me to come at first bc he knew how worried Id been when I saw him in the hospital gown with all the needles and stuff on him and he didnt want to worry me. Lots of other stuff in between going on too and heard other stuff from the Dr that I am devastated about. But the good news is they cleared most everything last night and let him go home.
He wouldnt let me take him home or stay with him, he insisted on going himself. He would not come stay with me either and as of now will not let me visit him at home even. I have asked for his address, I dont have it since he moved again and never been to the house. He was worried about giving it to me, but I just said its not like Im going to come knocking your door down, it just eases my mind to not worry so much that I have it just in case anything were to happen. He agreed to text/email it after we talked on the phone, but as of now hasn't.
He was pretty open about some of his feeling when we were at the hospital and I said we really need to talk more and that we dont now. He said he emails/texts etc but I dont get back to him for days so he assumes I dont want to talk to him either.
When I left he hugged me again and said I love you, so I said it back, he hasnt said that since Feb. He said he was really glad I was there and that I came. I get the feeling he wants me there but cant tell Her to leave and is worried about her feelings. Which makes me angry. I am so angry about so many things that happened thru out this incident and the things I found out but I am so worried and upset I cant be angry. He kept saying he is not trying to cut me out of his life at all and thats not the case, he just doesnt know what to do or how to handle everything.
I have felt so anxious and sick and upset, I took the day off work, just couldnt deal with seeing patients with my head a mess.
I talked to H before bed last night, and we agreed I'd call or he'd call this morning. I called at lunch time and left a voice message since he didnt answer. I am hoping he is just sleeping.
I want to be there so bad for him but he just isnt letting me. I dont know if I should insist and help him out or keep calling or not. He keeps saying he is fine, not to worry about him, he is feeling much better and that he doesnt want a fuss. But I know he was so upset and scared and must be so shaken up from it all.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
